SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Life

A neighbour of mine asked me where my husband was yesterday and i lied and told her he was working. I 'm just not ready to go there with her for now its a need to know thing and the thing is she is pretty observant she knows my work timetable so its strange that she hasn't figured out what is up i mean i haven't worn my wedding ring is months.

I 'm just tired of people asking me how i am doing because even if i say i am ok they don't believe me anyway but........ i AM fine............. its not an act i'm not putting on a brave face or anything like that i am really really good i am at peace and thats all i wanted really some peace in my life so i can do what i need to do.

This has been a really difficult year for me and i'm not complaining because life i can handle its ups and downs i can handle i can ace that its love and relationship where i get the F's i am 33 going on 34 next month and i am terrible in the love/relationship department.

I think i am meant to be alone i look at my mom my dad left over 15 years ago and she never moved on she has a rich life she has her friends her church her family she takes good care of her grand kids and she's at peace and thats what i want for myself some peace.

I am dumb in relationships i confuse love and sex.... if a guy is nice to me i think it MUST be love i'm pathetic.. i fall for people out of my league or who i think is out of my league when i should realize their is no such thing that i am a great girl and all these wasted years thinking i was fat and ugly and not worthy........... because of my low self esteem i have put up with things that i shouldn't and i love strong even if its destructive to me and i don't know how to switch it off..... love...... how do you stop loving someone.... even when that person has made it clear that they don't love you anymore?.......all these questions and until i could figure out the answers and figure myself out a bit I know i am meant to be by myself and that i am at peace with.

22 Comments:

Blogger Abeni said...

What did I miss-are you separated or something? I feel you on loving strong even if its destructive.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Stunner said...

I can't really comment on the love and relationship thing, as I am poor on giving advice. But I hope you finf and maintain the peace that you are looking for.

11:27 PM  
Blogger JaG said...

I love reading you like this. It's like you're getting stronger by the minute. More power to you girl!

5:33 AM  
Blogger Scratchie said...

You sound good...you are definitely getting it all together. Keep that peace going.

9:58 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

Continue to be positive....be at peace with yourself....you are a special creation of the universe.

8:48 PM  
Blogger CoolDestiny said...

You didn't think it would be easy for you to be where you are now and look at you .... you are making progress in handling life. I lift my hat to you. The bible says "Seek and Ye shall find". And my advice to you is to turn to God. He will give you the ultimate peace you are looking for in your life and everything else will fall into place once you put him first.

Power to you girl. We love you, we have confidence in you and we know you can do it!

9:53 PM  
Blogger Shotta M said...

Keep the peace - you're not pathetic, the game of love is not an easy one.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Ri said...

SIG, just passing chru.

3:22 PM  
Blogger Jdid said...

you just need to build up that self confidence girl. think and believe that you are a great person and dont sweat it if someone doesnt want to be with you

10:22 AM  
Blogger Dr. D. said...

SIG, you will be OK. Regards loving, I think it is very difficult to love someone who does not love you in return. It results in one party doing all the giving....not healthy. Anyhow, you seem to be making the right moves and in time you will be fine I think.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Quel said...

Reading that last paragraph, it sounds like you know yourself better than you think.

Trust yourself. You'll be fine.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Mad Bull said...

Sounds like you will be ok, reading that. Good for you.

7:34 AM  
Blogger smallislandgirl said...

Thank you very much you guys... for the support thats why i love blogging so much its like i have my own cheering team telling me to keep going...its not as bad as i thought it would be and yes CD I have been praying a lot for strenght to do the right thing especially for me and my son.

4:02 PM  
Blogger Yamfoot said...

Yes abeni, I was out of the information loop myself and had to go reading the archives to find out what was happening in SIG's life.

men will be men. ok, so not all men cheat. find me one who doesnt and i will marry him.

anyway SIG, keep on keeping on. one day at a time.

1:26 AM  
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verbally abusive relationship

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