SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Carnival 2007




Its that time again when the preparations for Carnival 2007 has started.
My band Tribe had their launch a few weeks ago been searching the web for pictures from the party because i posed for a photographer and have been dying to see what i look like but haven't found the pics yet.
Next years theme is called ...Ole time something come back again......its a great idea where they put a modern twist on our traditional mas here.
I can't wait for carnival next year this time for sure i'll be skinny......here are my three favorite sections so far....
The first is Warrior Spirit love the colours the second is Jab Jab love the head piece i think i'll look good in the yellow and the final one is Fancy Sailor just because i always wanted to play sailor mas i think playing with powder will be so much fun and i love the white it will look good against my dark skin not very practical but i love it still.
So i have about six months to loss the same 50 pounds that i was suppose to lose last year for this years carnival so here we go again.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Life

A neighbour of mine asked me where my husband was yesterday and i lied and told her he was working. I 'm just not ready to go there with her for now its a need to know thing and the thing is she is pretty observant she knows my work timetable so its strange that she hasn't figured out what is up i mean i haven't worn my wedding ring is months.

I 'm just tired of people asking me how i am doing because even if i say i am ok they don't believe me anyway but........ i AM fine............. its not an act i'm not putting on a brave face or anything like that i am really really good i am at peace and thats all i wanted really some peace in my life so i can do what i need to do.

This has been a really difficult year for me and i'm not complaining because life i can handle its ups and downs i can handle i can ace that its love and relationship where i get the F's i am 33 going on 34 next month and i am terrible in the love/relationship department.

I think i am meant to be alone i look at my mom my dad left over 15 years ago and she never moved on she has a rich life she has her friends her church her family she takes good care of her grand kids and she's at peace and thats what i want for myself some peace.

I am dumb in relationships i confuse love and sex.... if a guy is nice to me i think it MUST be love i'm pathetic.. i fall for people out of my league or who i think is out of my league when i should realize their is no such thing that i am a great girl and all these wasted years thinking i was fat and ugly and not worthy........... because of my low self esteem i have put up with things that i shouldn't and i love strong even if its destructive to me and i don't know how to switch it off..... love...... how do you stop loving someone.... even when that person has made it clear that they don't love you anymore?.......all these questions and until i could figure out the answers and figure myself out a bit I know i am meant to be by myself and that i am at peace with.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Hair..............


I don't know why this is....... but every time i have a crisis in my love life the first thing i always want to do is change my hairstyle.
I usually just cut off all my hair its the first thing i think of doing and this time is no different i love my natural hair but this time am seriously thinking of doing the dreadlock thing........ this girl Goapele is my inspiration i saw her on BET J one day and couldn't take my eyes off her beautiful head of hair. I know its a lot of work and comittment but there is something about locs that convey strength...... I got the name of a loctician and if i am comfortable with this person i'll seriously start the journey its time for a change been wearing my hair the same way for 4 years now and i just need to do something to take the focus off what's going on in my life right now, I need a change bad.

I just want to sit in a salon chair and be taken care of..... its been ages since i've been in a hair salon i miss the salon talk....... back in the day when i used to straighten my hair saturdays was my hair time, would spend hours in the hair salon getting my hair done and i seriously miss that.
So we'll see ....I know dreadlocks is not considered as part of the 'corporate' look but its what i want to do and i am up for the challenge.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Creepy lyrics....

My favorite radio station was down today so i was forced to listen to another and this song came on and had me in a mess i found the lyrics and had to post it. This radio station could make a person go crazy............ talk about sad fm! every song was so depressing the song they played after went something like this......After you go i could catch up on my reading........life without you is gonna be bluer than blue.........hello? you're killing me with these sappy songs i HAD to switch the radio off eventually or i would have losed meh dam mind.


Why Don't You Love Me?
Amanda Marshall

Why am I lonely
You're sitting right here
Why am I talking
It's like I'm talking to the air
What am I looking for
That just isn't there
Why am I angry.....................angry and sad all the time
How'd it get so bad
And why am I missing
What we
never really had
CHORUS


Why don't you love me
The way I love you
Why don't you feel things
As deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference.................mars/venus
In matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me
Like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me


Who am I kidding
It wasn't meant to be
But you wanted a believer
And I needed to believe
For every wall you built around you
I learned a brand new way to climb
And if I could've been your angel
I would've found a way to fly.............................i could have written this
CHORUS
SOLO


I don't understand you
What's it take to make you cry
And if leaving you don't break you
Then baby what's it matter why
CHORUS