just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Sunday, July 02, 2006


My sister who is only older than me by maybe an hour if so much thinks i am not equiped to go back out into the real world and be single she says someone like me who has been in only two relationships her entire life who has only had long term relationships been married for so long will not be able to deal with the lonliness that comes with being single and i don't know how to explain to her that you can be in a relationship and still be so incredibly lonely it hurts physically.

All I want is for someone to get me i know i am complicated and moody but after ten years isn't that more than enough time how much more time will it take?

Fantasist I heard someone use that word to describe Bridget Jones and I think it describes me too............. a person who creates fantasies.............

An unrealistic or improbable supposition...............that's's definition of fantasy .........unrealistic..........unrealistic..........unrealistic...........

I felt like shit reading that i know i live in a fantasy i don't know anyone in my real life who has seen Casanova as much as me or even like old school movies and music from the time when people got a high just walking in the park holding hands or reading peotry to each other or even writing letters i love writing letters even in this internet age ............i wonder if i am fixated on romantic movies and songs because i don't get it at all and the things that i want and crave are unrealistic and this is as good as it gets for me and i should just be happy........blah blah blah..... the thing is maybe the men who live in the real world don't love and behave like Humprey Bogart and flowere are really a waste of money too maybe if i keep telling myself that eventually i'll start believing it and i'll stop feeling this way.

I guess that's why i did not like the Break Up movie it was too much like my real life and who wants to go to the movies to see their real life? Real life is too hard sometimes and sometimes a girl has to escape it just to keep going.


Blogger Abeni said...

Loneliness in a relationship is the worst type of lonely.If you can deal with that then you can surely manage being alone.Tell that to your sister.

Nothing wrong with fantasy if it takes you away momentarily from your worries

12:39 PM  
Blogger Yamfoot said...

I know I've been away for a long time, but do you want to fill me in on this loneliness and single talk???????

3:09 PM  
Blogger CoolDestiny said...

You are so right about the loneliness. If your life is no better off in a relationship, then it can't be worse off out of one. I'm really sorry you are feeling like this ... but don't let go of your fantasies aka DREAMS. They do come true sometimes ... and believe it or not, there are still a few men out there like Humphery Bogart.

Chin up honey.

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Charles said...

Fantasies are the precursor to reality....i.e. If man had not fantasized about going to the moon, space travel would have never been realized.
As cooldestiny said don't let go of your dreams, be confident. One day you'll meet a brotha who deserves you.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Dr. D. said...

Are you in a fantasy about leaving your husband, or is this for real? I would say that if after ten years of marriage (or relatinship) with him you feel alone, you will be fine if you decide that the single life is for you. Mark you, I am not making any decisions for you, that is purely up to you (and him.)

I agree with everyone so far who has told you to hold on to your dreams. With God's help, good family and friends, they surely can become reality. It just takes a little determination and some cojones to take that first step.

From your recent blogs you sound as if you need a bit of hand holding and encouragement. Nutten wrong with that, we all go through periods in our lives where we suffer some amount of insecurity. Go for what you want and best of luck SmIG! And, remember to SMILE! :-)))

6:30 PM  
Blogger smallislandgirl said...

Yes Yamfoot and Dr. D sad to say it has come to that and its not a fantasy either its reality i think its the hardest decision i have ever had to make but its the best thing for me and my son.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Lily said...

I'm very sorry and I wish you all the best whatever happens.

12:45 AM  
Blogger Scratchie said...

Like you I tend to like the fantasy movies. Hated "My Best Friends Wedding" because it didn't have the romantic sop story ending.
Sorry to hear about the marriage thing. I can understand though about being in a relationship but still very much alone. Good thing about humans is that we are very much adaptable. I'm sure it will not be pleasant for a while but it gets better as time does some healing. Stay strong.

9:29 AM  
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