SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Carnival countdown..................

OK I have my costume which i've tried on a million times already still love it. I have my sunscreen I even put on my id bands one time because i've been having nightmares about forgeting to put them on and being put out of the band so anxious for tomorrow so excited can't wait.

Carnival is tomorrow well a few hours away tonight I go to bed early to get my beauty sleep.
Went to a fete last night called Dawn you get there at midnight and party till dawn thank God the guy we hired to take us came at 5:30am because I/we were runing on empty by that time and there were two more bands to perform it was great we got a surprise performance by Bounty Killer I love the new fusion of soca music with other caribbean artists especially the Jamaicans maybe music is the thing to unite us.

I really wish I could have gone to Brian Lara's party tonight but its just too expensive for me at that price he will have to throw in a night in his bed too, just kidding and what gets me is I have a friend who is going and did not have to pay he got invited to go for free so unfair.

Anyway tonight is the Dimache Gras show where all the finalists in the King and Queen of Carnival is judged I am hoping that Curtis Eustace wins again love him, also the calypso King and Queen is judged as well, traditionally we would camp out in the living room with eats and drinks to watch the whole show then @ 4 to 5 am head into Port of Spain to see the J'ouvert celebration otherwise known as mud mas and then later on the pretty mas but since I will be playing mas I have to get some serious sleep.

I promise to take lots of pics and tell you all about it soon.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Grateful.................

I blogged about happiness yesterday and death only to find out someone I knew passed away suddenly she was in her late 30's and she just got an infection and died she has a two year old daughter and its just so sad how you could be here young and healthy one minute and gone the next it just reinforced my reslove to enjoy my life no matter how short it may be.

I did a grateful list too........

1. I am grateful for my son who at 6 is so smart he keeps me on my toes I told him he has to go to bed earlier because of the trouble to wake him in the mornngs and he changed the time on the clock and fooled his old mother I can't remember being so smart at his age. I love him so.

2. I am grateful to my husband who even though we are going thru the seven year itch right now I love him will always love him he's been my rock never stops me from doing anything I want to gives me all the support and love that I need and has become the big brother and son to my sisters and mom.

3. I am grateful to my mom who calls me everyday to see how i'm doing and has such a good relationship with my son and husband who has the ability to show grace under pressure and her ability to forgive and forget I hope to mirror one day. She always ask me first did you pray about it? whenever I call to tell her my troubles she has such strong faith.

4. I am grateful for my girlfriend whose mission in life is to build my selfesteem who tells me how beautiful I am and remind me what i've achieved and never takes no for an answer when I want to use my fat as an excuse to stay at home and not go out and have fun we all should have friends like that .

5. I am grateful for my country with all the crime and terrible drivers and bad manners here I still love it here I love the way we could find the humour in serious issues and make light of it the way we make friends easily and could have a good time especially for Carnival, I love Carnival.

What are you guys grateful for?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Life is what it is..................

I loooove my costume, love the head piece and promise to keep it for my grandkids I have never kept any of my costumes in the past but this one I am keeping for sure. I laughed when I went to collect my costume because I had ordered a thong too could you believe I really thought I would be skinny by now and would be able to wear a thong in public how funny is that boy do I live in a fantasy world sometimes.

Ok here's the thing I keep being asked by everyone why am I playing mas by myself why is my husband not playing with me and I always want to ask people why put me on the spot by asking me those kinds of questions I just smile and say long story and change the subject as quickly as possible.


The thing is I did plan for him to play mas with me I even registered for him and everything my girlfriend was mad with me because as she put it you don't bring sand to the beach as they say but I have never played mas without him ever but things are not great I can't go into details not yet anyway just know this is not by choice I worry if i'll be able to enjoy myself seeing all the couples but this is the year I become an adult finally and take responsibility for my hapiness I have only one life to live and I always go back to how I felt when a friend of mine died suddenly at 45 of course I was really sad but you know what made it not so bad when I did checks and realised that she did everything she always wanted to do she was studying french she gave me a mix tape once with Celine Dion music in french and all she wanted to do was visit France and you know what she did see France more than once too she had a happy full rich life and thats all I want for myself too I want to have fun I want to graduate I want my son to look up to me I agree when they say we parents should be our kids' roll models not movie stars and sport figures. Don't mean to sound preachie but am I to not play mas if things are not great in my marriage right now? am I suppose to do the tipical thing of watching marathon sessions of Bridget Jones' Diary and eating everything in the fridge how is that helping the situation? I have tried that it doesn't make you feel better it just makes you fat and sad and as I said this is my year to start taking responsibility for my hapiness.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Carnival..............

I haven't blogged in such a long time.

Its the middle of carnival here and boy am I having a fantastic time you guys must come to Trinidad and experience it its great I don't know how to explain carnival to someone who hasn't experience it. Brotha Buck who has a great blog btw asked in my comments a while ago and I really can't explain what exactly carnival is its a season, its a vibes, its a spirit that passes thru the country makes normal civilised people do strange things let loose have a great time you can make friends for life party everyday for a week and still make an A+ in an exam which I did.

Last sunday I went to the Panorama (steel pan music competition) semi-finals with a girlfriend we got there at 11am and left at 11pm we had such a good time and I know people bad talk the North Stand and say you can't hear the pan music because its so noisy and crouded and the thing is thats where the fun is the rhythm sections ( group of people who hit instruments iron bottles to make their own music) the people thats what its all about.

I packed a small cooler with drinks and turkey sandwiches because I thought the day will be long mygirlfriend told me to leave it at home I won't be needing it and she was right we were fed by stangers given drinks and eats all day these are the times that I love my country the best our ability to have a good time and make friends so easy we hung out with some guys who we just met and at the end of the day it was as if we go way back I tried this strange drink that seem to evaporate on my tongue sambuca I think its called.

Tomorrow I collect my costume and I am under a lot of stress because inspite of my efforts I am back up to 175lbs!!!! so yuh know I hope meh costume fit Oh gordon! if it eh fit meh ah doh know what ah go do.............

I am taking a break from partying this weekend I have to be strong Machel have a concert on saturday and I think the whole of Trinidad will be there except me........ I have two exams in the coming week that I have to pass then from wednesday my carnival really starts no school or work for a week can't wait!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

How was your week??

Did you guys have a good week? well I have to tell you guys about mine.
It started with one of my lecturers telling me that I will need more than determination to pass his course when he found out that I did not do A' Level Maths or Physics and I have been out of school for 10 years boy am I going to show him I am going to get an A+ in his subject just wait and see.

A fellow student told me his aim was to do better than me this semester not sure if I should take it as an insult or not but what the hell I don't understand why some of these students think its a competition they go around campus hoarding information not sharing its so silly when you think about it this guy is about 10 years younger than me is still living at home, his parents are supporting him he even has a car me I work full-time nights even. I am a parent, a wife have lots of responsibilities and he and I failed the same subjects and he is using me as a measuring stick whatever........

The icing though is that yesterday I was so tired from working on three assignments all week and studying for a test(made all of my deadlines so proud of self) .....

Guess what I did? I went to school with two different shoes on my feet yes I did and did not even realise until a fellow student pointed it out. I wish I could show you guys how I looked I had a red sandals on my right foot and my husband's huge black flip flop on the other yes my husband's don't ask me how I did not feel it I just don't know...............I was the talk of school I couldn't go back home did not want to miss any classes so I had to walk around campus like that I got all kinds of comments my best classmate kept looking at me and saying are you ok over and over............. this one guy told me he thought he was stressed until he saw me and know that he is not as badly off as me what can you do I was rushing out of the house when my driver came and I don't know how I did not feel strange I took my son to school got out of the car walked him to his class gave him his kiss said hello to his teacher and little friends and did not notice my driver didn't either...... came to school went to Subway for breakfast stood in line did not notice its only when I sat down in class made myself very comfortable in my usual front seat did a fellow student ask me what happened to my feet then I noticed and of course the shock on my face made everyone laugh some were nice about it but my closest friends laughed the loudest hey what can you do so thats my week in a nutshell my son said it the best he said he was very concerned about me...........all I can say is that I am not losing my marbles I am just overworked and sleep deprived thats all.
Hope you guys had a better week than me.