SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Dialogue...........

Boy was I mad last night but the good thing is that this whole situation has opened up a lot of dialogue between my husband and I.

I mean really do you really ever know a person or just that part of them that they show you? I mean how do you really know a person if he my husband tells me that he still loves me just as I am how do I know that really and truly thats how he feels or he's just being kind and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth.

The reason why I was saying that is because I only found out recently that the strippers at his bachelor party got fully naked AND had contact with the guys I mean I was showing him the story about the saugeen stripper that Tony blogged about and when I showed him the pictures I was like at least the girls in your party did not do those things then he got quiet and then he confessed that yes it was something like that and I was after 7 years you are now telling me your party was like that I always had a picture in my head of it being the lingerie wearing pole dancing thing I did not for the life of me pictured it being like that and I honestly honestly would not have let him have a bachelor party if I had any clue they were allowed to touch the girls I mean knowing the kind of person I am back then and now what made him think I would have been ok with that really.

I mean I am only now finding this out and who knows what else happened that he's not telling me who knows there might be pictures circulating somewhere and maybe 7 years from now I will get the rest of the story and here I am feeling bad for wanting to go see the dam Chippendales and from the reviews in the paper apparently the show was very tame the women won't allowed to touch the guys and they just did routines to certain songs and used inuendos so really you think you know someone but do you really ever ever know what is really going on I mean 7 years ago my husband told me the girls just danced for them they were in the centre of the room and they just did a routine and the rest of the night it was just like a normal party I mean he had a DJ and foolish me believed him and am only now finding out that they, he had contact with the girls I mean really how stupid and naive can a person be and all this time no wonder his friends think I am so cool well I wasn't being cool I was just stupid and naive we spoke so much about this this morning that our son woke up and accused me of arguing with his dad I was not I was just in shock and still am I mean really did he really think I would have been ok with this I wish I could give him some type of truth serum so I could get the full story of all the times he has been to strip clubs and what he really did over the years because my mind is going crazy I have been looking at him all day and wondering really do I truly know this man at all.

I know I should give this thing a rest am getting worked up over nothing really but I mean my girlfriends husband was drunk when he said what he said to her who knows how long he must have kept that inside and it must have slipped out I should be studying for my exam tomorrow and this thing is just niggligling at me constantly he thinks it funny but its not and now I'm blogging about it.

I told him I want details about all the strip clubs that folish me has allowed him to go to over the years I know of about three whenever he and his friends visit Miami I know they visit strip clubs if he feels I am going to let this thing die he lie.

16 Comments:

Blogger ~b*b~ said...

SIG i feel your pain...the thing is, sometimes even the "good ones" lie. sometimes they are hiding something serious but more times it is something not that serious, but still they don't want us to "freak out" about it. at the time they think they are protecting us as well as covering they own a$$es - but in truth it always comes back to bite them!please don't feel stupid or played - i think he may have told you now b/c your relatiionship had deepend and he wanted to be more open and honest...

1:54 AM  
Blogger Stunner said...

Propbably why he didn't tell you because he feared that you would be upset about the whole thing.

It's food for thought though, to wonder how much do you really know the person that you've need sharing so much with for so long. But as you said, maybe you're getting all worked up over nothing.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Campfyah said...

Let it be SIG. Everyone needs to have a secret in their closet. Even you and your hubby. Think about it, you didn't know for 7 yrs and it didn't affect your marriage or your love for him, Do you really need to know the details. How much of a difference that is going to make now? Just enjoy your man and let it be.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Trouble said...

This concerns you and your girlfriend too, why ask questions that you know you don't want to hear the answers to... Listen well to Campfyah those are very wise words she speaks... When you expect perfection from someone else you will only be sorely disappointed... Trust me...

2:55 PM  
Blogger CoolDestiny said...

There will always be secrets in relationships and marriages. What difference would it have made if you had know then? Would you have called off your wedding? Think about it rationally. I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be upset. Personally, I think men just think we don't want to know the truty but sometimes, telling us the truth is the best thing so we don't have to have our minds running wild with thoughts of what if. I agree with Campfyah. Now you know, just swallow, count to 10 and move on.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous b.art said...

another good girl lost? Please lord no! Why is it it that women always pick at the most insignificant things to start a war wit us... I swear dread. Lol

dont take me on u hear, im just half joking on this one.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Jdid said...

I know it bothers you but I would let it slide unless ya thinking that he slept with one of them or got sexual favors or something so and I dont think he would have said anything at all if thats the case.

The man been married to you for 7 years and up to a few days ago you were saying how great a husband and a father he was. so one little bachelor party 7 long years ago change everything overnight now?

11:58 PM  
Blogger Scratchie said...

let it rest. I think we all have secrets from other. Some are intentional other just not seeming important enough to deal with. If your husband is good then let it go and deal with the now him.

8:29 AM  
Blogger â™¥Steph said...

I read your previous entry and you stated that the husband should have just lied to your friend instead of saying that she was out of his league. While he sounds like a prick, and it is a different situation, your husband probably kept the stripper thing from you because he didn't want to get in trouble. Not saying it was right but that was probably his mindset. I think we have to pick out battles in realtionships. Good luck :)

1:04 PM  
Blogger James said...

Let it go, let it go, let it go.

You're freaking out over a thing that happened 7 years ago, and you wonder why DH was not forth coming with you?

You can't have your cake and eat it too, nobody can. You can't want him to let him let you know the real him, if you give him reason to keep the real him from view.

It's not easy to arrive at a spot were you can accept another person as they truly are, but that's what it takes to get someone to show you who they truly are.

James

4:00 PM  
Blogger smallislandgirl said...

OK I agree with you guys making a mountain out of a mole hill thats me tipically.

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