SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Post Secrets......


I got this from the PostSecret blog which updates every Sunday here is my personal postsecrets.


1. When I am on duty at night when its late I take off my bra and go bra less its freeing and if someone drops by my office I hide my front with papers our talk to them sideways don't think anyone has noticed.

2.This blog is a secret from my friends and family and if i'm found out might shut it down.

3.I don't drink coffee, smoke or do drugs but am addicted to eating paper especially the computer paper at work started during my pregnancy and I can't stop I keep some in my bag when the urge hits everyone thought i stopped after the baby came I don't know why I just love the smell and taste of paper.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

No Title.............

Boy that earthquake yesterday was something else my husband and i were siting out front on a metal love seat in the front yard watching our son ride his bike then the chair started rocking and i actually said babes stop shaking the chair like that thats when we realized that the trees were vibrating and the water tank was dancing we started arguing about should we go into the house or not and then it stoped real scary of course he scared the s**t out of me last night by shaking the bed i actually thought it was an after shock now my son and i are plotting to catch him as soon as he falls asleep.

I have been sick I was feeling low for sometime now low energy so i went to the doctor thank God found out........ TMI warning!!.........that I had a urinary track infection apparently I have been not taking enough bathroom breaks and was making myself sick I was so relieved but my doctor made me feel so bad i think i am going to find another one he actually asked me why at my age i was going to school how i was neglecting my wifely duties and if my marriage breaks up what will i be left with he kept going on and on and no matter what i said he was saying things like are you trying to convince me or yourself i left his office feeling low and of course now in hindsight i could think of a million things to say to him but my parents taught me to respect my elders so i guess its a generation thing.

Guilt is a hell of a thing though I cleaned the house from top to bottom and i mean clean behind the beds,sofa and every piece of furniture was dusted and vacumed even the bathrooms and i hate cleaning the bathrooms i know i have no reason for feeling like this my marriage survived a difficult pregnancy unemployment money woes whats three years of sacrifice and our son is doing great in school his teacher says so but i did take friday off and go see him in his tiny football gear playing football after school and it was fun.
I did also go to the Roberta Flack show it was great even though in my opinion she acted like a diva but i guess she earned that right a long time ago she gave me chills throughout the night because its like her songs have been a part of my life she sang killing me softly with his song......it was great to see her up close on her piano and i was really impressed with the two guys from Barbados in her band Arturo Tappin he played the sax first time i have ever seen him perform fantastic also Nicholas Brancker i kept wondering is he using a pick to play that guitar? he was amazing felt proud of those guys.

Anyway i have some catching up to do i miss reading about my blog friends so its catch up time.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Riches.......

The lotto here has been climbing now for weeks,its now 8 million and i forgot to play it and its too late i hope it rolls over again and reaches to 10 million thats about 1.5 million US.

I wish i could win the lotto the problem is i don't ever remember to play it or if i decide to go play it if there is a line i just wouldn't bother I don't know how i expect to win with that attitude. The thing is I have never won anything ever i think i am one of those people who has to work hard for everything and i don't mind at all i think you appreciate things better i know what being poor is when my dad left us in my early teens we had to go without even electricity sometimes we had bare minimum to eat there was this one time my sister came home crying because she saw our dad grocery shopping with his girlfriend and we barely had anything thats why the first thing i will do if ever i win the lotto is i'll buy my mother a house with a full staff she deserves it for being so strong and holding it together during does times.

People always say they will keep their job not me i can't wait to quit my job and go to school full time and do a lot of traveling you know like for one year go to all the carnival events all over the world for one year Nottinghill in London, Brazil, Miami, Caribana, DC even CropOver. Oh and i want a house with a swiming pool don't ask me why because i can't swim i guess i'll hire a cute Tyson Beckford look alike pool boy.

I once met a lady who won the lotto she was a struggling single parent and she won she bought a house in Trinidad and another one in another island and was able to take care of her kids she said the only regret she had was the amount of people she gave her money away to she said people would approach her with all kind of schemes to get her to give them money she said she squandered a lot of it and if she had to do it again she would not tell a soul that she won and i think i'll do the same.

What would you do if you won the lotto?

Monday, October 24, 2005

Telephone lover...............

Three months ago I took the new phone plan offered by TSTT (local phone company) because it offered unlimited local calling and the hours of calling i used to rack up with my girlfriend was embarassing i used to have to hide the phone bill from my husband sometimes it was so bad i would have to pay the bill in parts i used to say well i don't party every night or waste money so the phone is my one indulgence but since school has started i haven't even been able to make use of the free calls until today we set a record we started @10am my husband left to run some errands and he was back at 2pm and we were still talking I hung up not because we were done I was just so embarrased the time flew.

She had to change phones twice because they needed recharging today was a record and if you ask me what we talked about i don't know topics ran from husbands to kids to sex to masturbation to more sex i think its a thirty-something thing because we seem to talk about sex alot she lives just a 15min taxi ride from my house but today's weather was just about cosying up under the covers and kicking it with my girlfriend.

There is a controversy going on about my band Tribe apparently there was a section that had a size limitation you had to have a certain bust and waste size and there was an article in the Express newspaper where the author said that the band was discriminating against black women it came across as if black women cannot be the size it was 34C bra and 34 inch waist.The author Terry Joseph said:

"Well, to hell with Tribe and that condescending concession, as it is widely known that black women, particularly those who have borne children, aren't likely to meet these contrived standards. Tribe could just as well have said in the statement: "If you're plump or black or worse, both, forget coming here to register for "Nylon Pool'' or "Tale of Benguela'', because this is dainty mas and we only want persons of compatible description in these sections."



Tribe says the section has only 20 people thats a picture of the section and the mold to make the costume only goes up to one size the thing is I kinda agree that its hard for the band to discriminate because registration was online and you can't know what someone looks like if they register over the internet and I for one is a short dark skined overweight black woman and when I wanted my costume changed from a bikini to a whole suit the band leader could have told me well you have to wear a bikini take it or leave it but she was very accomodating I don't know what to think is it discrimination if they say they want women of a certain size playing in their band? and should I be supporting a band like that by playing with them? I have a lot of thinking to do its the first time in all my years of playing mas that i have ever heard of size limitation on a costume.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Ah Bag Ah Sugar.......


I have a gap between my front teeth just like Lauren Hutton and growing up with it was not easy boys will making sucking sounds when my sister and I come around it was really annoying.
When I got a little older I would get teased by men they would say girl you hear what they say about women with teeth like yours? No well alyuh eh easy. I would always not get it. I knew it was a sexual thing but friday a co-worker finally explained it to me and I blush everytime I think about it. He said that they used to say that the gap means that ah have ah bag ah sugar that ah walking round with ah bag a sugar I just love that.

My boss the big one who i haven't seen in about two months (one of the benefits of working night shift) saw me on friday and said you've losed a lot of weight since I saw you he said I looked great and I felt high I know my clothes are feeling better but haven't found the time to go weigh myself at the mall but hopefully this week I will go because I want to try something else a healthy way to lose weight that a friend told me about and will blog about it soon.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

NY!


Tony Pierce just returned from his NY trip wish I could have gone NY is my favorite American City my best friend lives there and she likes to leave annoying messages on my phone right now I saved the last one she left this weekend she said she hopes that I could see her before she turns 35 she is 31 she's so sarcastic sometimes I don't know why people think that because you work for an airline that you can just hop on a plane and drop by well you have to get time off and you need money but I hope to visit her soon she is my bestest friend ever we have been friends since the age of 13 we met in secondary school this year made it 20 years that we have been friends and even though she lives in NY we still are best friends I stole that picture from Tony's buzznet because it reminded me of my last trip in 2003 I lossed weight because we shopped so much that girl has energy I tasted starbucks for the first time too expensive if you ask me, spent the day at the Barnes and Nobles store ate at Boston Market because the Olive Garden had a long line that was the trip where I bought all my clothes two sizes smaller as motivation to lose weight had to give them away i'll never do that again what a waste of money.

My girlfriend lives in the Bronx its not like I expected it to be there are parks and trees I expected it to be a rough neighbourhood and there were baby strollers everywhere,she has her own apartment now and became a mommy last year and she's gorgeous and single and I wish I could find a guy for her.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Days like this

What a rough day I had today I finished my lab report and took it to work last night to fine tune it a bit was so proud of self when I go to print it out the computer shuts down on me and I lose everything everything I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Get home after working night shift kiss son goodbye fell asleep on the couch and slept so much missed first two classes for the day.

Lecturer gave out math exam results and mine were so dissapointing I thought I had done so well my pride prevented me from crying in front of my friends but the look the lecturer gave me I felt so ashamed wish I could have dug a hole.

Found out that a security guard at the electric company works for more money than me I didn't need to know that especially how broke i've been these days.

By 1pm I just couldn't cope lab teacher said marks will be deducted for not bringing in lab on time came home to cry and mope got a message from co-worker that lab was on the computer all the time I did not lose it fell asleep again and did not hear my son's driver calling on his return home from school he had to blow his horn for a while my neighbors and him must think I am such a bad mother because its the second time this week all I seem to be doing is sleeping.

Since I need cheering up I decided to post something that Trouble a blogger from the Cayman Islands wrote a while back on his blog he said it was ok its really funny and right now I need something to lift my spirits a bit.

Some similarities I’ve noticed between my Blog & Sex:
I didn’t even know what it was until someone else told me about it.

At first I thought that it would be really difficult, but I didn’t want to be the only one not doing it

So I asked my cousin and he showed me how to do it.

When I first tried it, I was all alone sitting in front of my computer screen.

The first few [key] strokes felt really good.

Halfway through, I was going so fast that I felt like I couldn’t stop.

When I finally finished I felt satisfied, but I wanted to do it again, and again…

I was nervous that if someone saw what I was doing, they would make a nasty comment.

The first time someone commented on my technique she was kind of vague.

The second time it was two girls and they both said I was somewhat amusing.

The first time I got a good compliment, it made me feel all fuzzy inside.

The more I did it the better I got at it.

Even though I haven’t done it much, I still think I’m really good at it.

Every time I think I know everything there is to know about it, someone shows me something new and I have to pretend I already knew it but secretly I’m embarrassed that I didn’t.

Putting lots of effort into it is physically exhausting but very emotionally satisfying.

Now, girls who want to try it for the first time, come to me for advice.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Short Post..........

OMG!! I just called the radio station to win a pair of VIP tickets for the Roberta Flack show next week and the dj put me on the air I sounded like a complete dork I was giggling like a school girl God I hope nobody I know heard me the shame it was an impulse thing I just dialed and it rang and rang and just as I was going to hang up she came on the phone and I was live on...... Oh lawdee I hope I win I want to go to that show bad but I am broke! broke! broken!.. broken to thief as they say in trini so keeping the fingers crossed.




UPDATE: Chuuupsss.... ah didn't win the girl who called before me won the tickets and if they feel ah goin and waste ah phone call tomorrow an wait by the phone and radio to try again tomorrow they lie ah hah too much more important things to do all that trouble for nothing yes ah dam vex yes.. ah still going to the show somehow ah think ah go really ha to sell the treadmill anybody want ah used treadmill? going cheap! cheap!.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I Know Diets Don't Work...............




If you have been to Trinidad you must have heard about Crix crackers its a staple here they call it the vital supply I always have a bag in the cupboard and I have a cookie jar filled with it in the kitchen also I have another cookie jar in the office guys from other departments always stop by my desk and they don't even bother to ask anymore they just reach in and take handfuls of it and leave, my jar is always empty when I come back to work from my off days and its cheap so you wonder why don't they buy their own anyway I stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago I love it you can get it in whole wheat, multigrain and original plain flavor I prefer the plain you can eat it with anything cheddar cheese is my favourite.

I have tried every diet under the sun cabbage soupslimfast,grapefruitdiet,Atkins,you name it I have tried it the only thing that works for me is exercise but I don't have the time my treadmill has dust on it I can't find the time so I decided to try this diet that a friend swears worked for her she ate crix and drank water only for two weeks and lossed a ton of weight sounds easy doesn't it?

Well starting today I am going to try it yes I know this is not the way to do it but I have to try something I love crix so it shouldn't be that hard to do i just keep a bag with me for those times I get hungry I don't have to be tempted to eat junk and you can get water everywhere how hard can it be so here goes.

My challenge for this week also is to exercise for two days out of the week find two days in my schedule and do some form of exercise I think its better to exercise just two days as oppossed to not exercise at all which is what I have been doing for the past few weeks and exercise will be going for a bike ride with my son or him riding and me running anything that will build a sweat and send the heart rate up so if any of you guys are up for the challenge just join me it doesn't have to be a gym workout anything that you can do a game of football with the boys or girls whatever so please join me its easy really just two days if you can do more good for you but for me I have to take it with baby steps.
I spent the better part of this night finishing a lab report that is not even going to be graded oh well the knowledge is more important than a grade I have to tell myself this otherwise I just wouldn't bother and I have two mid-term exam to study for so my schedule will be full this week really hope I can get some exercise in though.
So good luck in the coming week hope its a great week.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sunday blogging.................

Do you like getting emails? Well I do especially from other bloggers its like going to your mailbox and getting letters from friends instead of bills that's why I like to write letters so much more personal but in this electronic age people don't like sending snail mail anymore so emails are the next best thing I think.

got an email from a fellow blogger she was nice enough to send me an email about her blog and today she blogged about giving head.

True confession I am not very good at this I think I am the worse my husband has ever had I fit the wife stereotype and I won't get mad if he ever leaves me because of it I'll understand,the thing is they don't teach you these things growing up they teach you to cook and sew keep a clean house I mean I wanted to do wood working in Secondary school but was forced to do Home Economics I could sew a dress,cook a great meal clean and do laundry at the same time but not this and I ein't getting better at it husy doesn't even ask me to do it anymore he's kinda gun shy lets just say after a teeth incident I don't have to give details here use your imagination.

There are somethings I feel I am ok with not being good at you know you accept your limitations after a certain age I can't wear high heels for long my feet swell and ache for hours after, I can't swim it doesn't bother me much but this it bothers me why can't I get past the mental feeling that its wrong and gross and that gag reflex thing. Is there anything a person could do to get rid of the feeling of wanting to puke? Or is it that some people have it and some people doesn't have it and I just have to accept that, but he is such a good lover to me I think he deserves better oh this is so annoying I don't even know why I am blogging about this its TMI.

He's going to leave me I just know it and I don't blame him poor man.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Models....



Found this cool thing here these are my before and after pics of course my hair looks nothing like that but its a cool thing.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Sweet Trinidad................


There was a joke going around today that since the football team won their match against Mexico there haven't been any murders or crimes because the bandits and criminals took a day off to celebrate our victory well boy were we wrong.

I just heard on the news that another bomb went off in Port of Spain today this time down in St. James near Smoky and Buntys one of the more popular limin spots here.

So far the news says five people were injured one seriously thats the third bomb in the last few months and the police seem not to be able to solve it.

What is going on in this country of mine I hope they find the person or persons behind this so far for the past three months there have been a bombing in Port of Spain on the third week of the month and today was no different enough is enough we are slowly losing our inocense here its true what they say the price of progress is high the more developed we become the more crime there is.

Not too long ago you could leave your house open and go out leave your car open now security companies are making big money here everyone including me live in gated communities last week we forgot our son's bike outside and was relieved that it was still there when we woke up.

Anyway enough with the doom and gloom what are you people doing this weekend? me I might go to a concert some students are putting on in UWI on saturday and the husband wants to check out the new hooters restaurant that opened this week but mostly I plan to do some studying.

Richard Marx, Star Ship, The Temptations, Glen Washington and Freddie Jackson all these artists will be in Trini this weekend for different concerts but I am saving my money for a concert Roberta Flack will be giving on the 27th instead.

So have a great weekend you guys.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Wheeeew......

Me wiping sweat from brow... I took 45 minutes to figure out how to put up that link to your left for Tony Pierce's new blook which I am going to get as soon as I get paid.

This blog is an education and don't ask me what I did I just copied and pasted until I got it right you can click on it and it will direct you to where you can get a copy imagine I figured out how to link too so proud of myself can you tell?

I can't wait to figure out how to do a fancy template with a caribbean theme.

One more thing I have to gloat about I did my first math exam today and I am proud to say that even though I did not get an A I know I passed me with cobwebs in the brains returing to school after all this time.

I have to be honest I could have done more work dam those Sex and The City re-runs my plan today was to go to the exam room and exude confidence smile with everyone sign my name to my paper and sit until someone else leaves first(can never leave first in an exam because people will know that you did not study) then I was planing to go straight home and not talk to anyone but low and behold one guy called my name as soon as I walked in the classroom he was saving a seat for me poor thing he thinks I can help him in the exam I guess I fooled him the next thing you know I saw questions I could answer and was shocked when the lecturer let us know that 30 minutes had gone already half way there and I was on a roll so forgive me for walking a little taller today. It won't last.....

I would recommend to anyone to go back to school do it its really fun I am really having a good time I am tired but its never a dull day and that feeling of achievement is priceless plus you get to see young people well younger people because I ein't old see young people do strange things like the other day a student cleared a classroom in seconds when he puked all over himself drunk in the middle of the day but what was more funny was the tagged team formed by his friends one got the mop and bucket to clean up the mess and the others carried him home it was hilarious to watch.


I have to go now the Soca Warriors are playing Mexico in a few minutes and I have to go drool over Russel Latapy.

UPDATE! WE WON!....WE WON!

Monday, October 10, 2005

I might be wrong here................

Ok I am pissed today a bajan student stood up in class today and ranted about the drivers in Trinidad and I saw stars but of course I said nothing and it had nothing to do with the topic of discussion I hate it when foreigners critisize my country its just wrong I will never go to someone's country and criticize anything about the country especially while I am enjoying the benefits the country has to offer I wanted to tell him well go back to your country and do your degree there then but that would have been unkind.

Have you even been to a party or a movie and had a ball and only to read an article or hear someone else's opinion and you wonder did they go to the same movie or party well thats how it is with my country I read other blogs where people go on and on about the crime here but thats just one aspect about my country and if you harp on the negative you will never see the positive.

I love my country and yes the crime is getting out of hand maybe when the Scotland Yard and FBI get here things hopefully would get better but thats not all there is to my country.

Come to my country on wednesday and you will see everyone dressed in red because the national football team the soca warriors will be playing a game against Mexico and we support our own even if like me you don't really like football. Does the president of your country play mas? Well ours do he flew to Panama this weekend to support the footbal team. Have you ever been to an event gone without food our drink and still get fed by strangers thats how we do it here my husband and I got invited to the wedding of some friends because we parked next to each other for carnival in '96 and shared or drinks with them American's and now its as if we are family.
I love my country love it its beautiful the people are very tolerant of loud sometimes obnoxious foreiners its not all bad.

And I can harp on the negative in other peoples country have you ever been lost in the subway in NY well you might ask 10 people for direction before you get help but does that make NY a bad place hell no I love New York they know the meaning of a sale so if you are looking you will find the negative.

I have been to Barbadoes 4 times once we got lost and a guy actually jumped in the car and took us around a stranger afterwards he took us by some friends and shared a bottle of Canadian Club whiskey with us I love how the busses and taxi system is so simple to understand and dependable.
I have been to almost all of the caribbean islands Grenada is so clean Antigua we went to Shirley Heights and had a ball making friens I got married in St Lucia and a guy a stranger took us out on his boat no charge and showed us the coast I have been to Miami Cap Cod D.C and NY I like how the men call you ma'am we went to a bar in Boston only black people there and felt comfortable I just told my friend that I like plenty olives and the waiter when he brought my martini put a bowl full with olives next to my drink and you think we have never had bad experiences in other countries yes we do but you just use common sense when you travel.

Anyway I am done just had to get this off my chest.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Hair issues..........



I love this male costume from Poison's dream band for 2006 this is the iroquos section and the wearer ein't bad either love the tattoo oh I wish I could ..... oops i'm married and pmsing and extra horny today the books will have to get a break tonight.

Does this happen to anyone else I have been treatening to cut off all my hair or go back to relaxer this whole week with school and work I don't have the time for hair and its been frustrating me you know the afro don't look good its dry and getting on my last nerve.

Anyway I washed it yesterday and today I can't keep my hands out of my hair its behaving it looks and feel great I used a new shampoo by Isoplus that my hairdresser recommended and boy my hair feels soft and its very straight today even the husband commented about how great my hair looked so I won't be cutting it or relaxing it anytime soon. I guess my hair is as moody as me.

Friday, October 07, 2005

No Time To Blog.......

*No Time To Blog*

That will look great on a tee-shirt. Yes I am preparing for mid-terms next week its my first exam in years so I am nervous as hell I keep having to tell myself that the world won't end if I fail one lousy exam.

Anyway I found another podcast thru sweet trini blog would you believe a podcast from right here in Trinidad so if you want to hear some trini accents listen to this Caribbean Free Radio just click on the link.
They have a cool logo as well.
I am really liking this podcast thing so check it out.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Podcasts...............




Most of you guys know that I am not tek sauvy I take my sony walkman with me when I run knows nothing about mp3's and ipods (an ipod costs $2500tt btw thats my mortage) I think my 5 year old son knows more about the computer than me.

But I discovered a new thing called pod casting I first heard about it from Tony Pierce he has his own podcast blog here but I could never figure out how you get it to work I heard it on my boss's computer once but not on my home puter until a friend did something to it don't know what but now I can finally hear it a windows media thingy pops up and I can hear it.

Anyway I have to tell you about Eban Crawford he is a blogger I used to read his blog loved the way he expressed his love for his wife he is an American guy living in the uk I am sure I can be friends with if we ever meet really cool well he changed his blog into a podcast blog and its really great yesterday he did his 50th podcast.

So go check it out he plays great music on there and its really entertaining I have been catching up on his back shows all day.

Don't you love finding out and learning about new things? Now I wish I could figure out how to do a podcasts as well I do have a nice voice you know I always feel I could do a Dear Amelia show where I can give relationship advice not that I am an expert or anything.

Have a great week you guys and go wish renee at her reneegetsfit blog today is her birthday so many libra bloggers out there.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

The cure...............

Its October 1st! today and I did not remember to say rabit! rabbit! when I woke up for good luck do other people do that still?

TodayJAG my favorite dutch blogger reminded us about the annual boobieton which kicks off today you can send a donation or submit pictures of your bobbies men and women allowed all in an effort to raise money for a cure.

Its a coincidence because I was going to blog about an article that I read in October Essence today where there is a story of a woman who is a cancer survivor there is a picture in the magazine of her with her kids and husband and I cried when I saw it and I don't even know her and what struck me in the article there were other women who found out they had cancer as young as 32 and 29 and it kinda hit me and she said that she hated the condolence cards that people sent it was as if she had died already and I felt sad for her because I know how her friends probably don't know how to behave if you get a chance read this months Essence that story really moved me.


I have a friend whose mom died from breast cancer and I went to visit her and we spoke for a while I remember how outside looked when I left her house because it was late and the sun was orange in the sky and she died that same night and I did not know while talking to her that she was going to die I thought since she was out of the hospital that she was better I had no clue she looked normal to me just a little out of breath when she spoke they were very private about the whole thing and I always try to think back to if I said a proper goodbye as I said I thought she was better she was sitting up on the sofa she was not in bed or anything it really hit me and she was young and beautiful.

I saw the interview Oprah had this week with Melissa Etheridge and there are so many women battling this disease you wonder sometimes if we can send a man on the moon and send a missile from far away and have it hit just that one target why can't we find the cure for this disease.