SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Happenings....................

Wow haven't posted in two days and I feel bad.

I found out that mid-terms are in two weeks instead of three and I have a headache since then talk about panic I mean you're not even given time for the new stuff that you learn to sink in and marinate a bit and you want me to resuscitate it in an exam already? I don't get it at all.

I found out that the principal of my secondary school died and he has been on my mind all week he was a bit eccentric you know the intellectual types who can quote shakspere and speak a million languages but he left a mark on us students if you go up to an ex student and recite the following "The ways of the transgressor is exceedingly difficult" or "Watch and learn less you maybe lead into temptation" you will get a smile and a you had Mr. J too! He was not easy his punishment was you either had to write those words 100 times no matter what you did I can't get it out of my head no matter how hard I try he really left a mark.

I was a good student more nerd than anything my only reason for getting punished by him was I was caught reading one of those x rated magazines you know the ones where there are erotic stories well it was being passed around in one of our classes where the teacher was absent and guess who was left holding it moi!

He was cool though I think he knew it was just curiosity and it was definitely not mine he kept it for the day (I guess he must have read it too)and I had to write the lines 100 times and hand it in and he did return it which was cool.

Its only when you become an adult you appreciate those educators whose only interest was to make you a better person and that's the kind of principal he was its sad that he died though you wish people like him could live forever because the next generation could so benefit from someone like him.

Speaking of education the government decidedas part of next years budget to pay full tuition for tertiary education so those of us who are in University don't have to pay for school from next January I am so happy about that love getting good news like that.

Have a great weekend you all.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Wish come true...............



I was just browsing thru the newspaper and guess who will be coming to Trinidad?

The Chippendales!!!!

This is too creepy I was only lamenting about the lack of male strippers and here the ultimate strippers will be coming soon ah can't wait.

I am blogging insteading of studying my brains feel like its freezing up.

Does this happen to anyone besides me? I can throw paper in the waste basket from a distance without missing I mean backward shots over my head without looking and never miss but the moment I try to show someone I always miss what is up with that?

OK back to the books!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Birthday wishes.............


OK I did not get my stripper party can't believe its so hard to find a male stripper in Trinidad. I wonder if I can get this guy to model this angelfish costume from my band tribe at my party a girl could only dream eh.

But I did get a whole timarisu desert cake its in the fridge and I promise myself that I would not eat the whole thing promise.

Lots of gifts today Tony Pierce linked me on his blog and left a comment as well he is so sweet.

Zaida over at plastic/nyc blog linked me too I feel so special today.

All of my favourite bloggers left comments and some new ones too so thank you all very much.

And one of my professors today was kind enough to give me an assignment to hand in tomorrow so guess what I'll be doing late tonight I guess that's life.

Happy birthday too to my twin sister even though she doesn't know about this blog.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Aniversarizing...................

Thats what my girlfriend asked me when she called today to wish me Happy Aniversary she asked if I was done Anivesarizing my man...hehehehe she is so funny.

I am in a much better place today as you can tell cure for feeling low lots of Aniversasizing.

I am going to ignore my birthday this year and just focus on my Aniversary because its cause to celebrate.

Seven years ago today I was a bride.

This guy who did everything right and stole my heart became my husband.

We did not have a big elaborate wedding we wanted to save for a house so we wrote to a few caribbean resorts and chose Club St. Lucia because the manager himself wrote us back and gave us a great deal and the pictures were so beautiful.

I remember crying in the Airport because bwee had cancelled our flight because of Huricane George and I thought it was a sign we ended up getting a flight with Liat to St. Lucia and we had a ball talk about the honeymoon before the wedding we got to the resort on Monday and was married on Friday and we ate and drank so much my dress barely fit.

My husband's best friend flew up and a good friend of mine came up and it was just the four of us I just wanted a private pleasant quiet wedding no fuss and maybe one day we may have a larvish ceremony for our family to witness.

My husband did everything right well not everything because the first time I spoke to him he just brushed me off and I told myself what a stuck up guy anyway we ended up working together for a while and one day he just looked me in the eye and asked girl when are we going to take this thing to the next level gave me the shakes when I tell my friends this they don't believe me because he is so low keyed I am the agressive one but he did make the first move and we went on a few dates and it was no looking back for either of us its like they say in movies and books everything took a back seat to us don't ask me details about what was going on in the world during that first year we were together I don't know days just flowed into each other recently we were watching Showgirls the movie and there was this pool scene and we both started laughing because when we were dating we went to the drive in about five days straight and never saw that scene in the movie don't ask me what we were doing that we never saw that movie properly.

I love him with all my heart we have seen a lot together things that should have destroyed us only brought us closer together and we always say its us against the world and I feel like that I feel like with him here by my side I can do anything reach the highest levels just because he is by my side.

So today I have cause to celebrate a reason to be happy. I know what true love is I have found it in this man my husband.

Friday, September 23, 2005

When do you not blog....................

I have been trying not to blog on those days when I am feeling down the last thing I want is when someone reads my words they end up feeling bad I try to keep it light and fun and as a result I haven't blogged in a while.

This happens to me every year my birthday is in 3 days and I always get down don't ask me why I felt it coming on a while now and its full blown now.

I'll be 33 and the checks and balances are whats taking place in my mind I have lots to be thankful for I have a healthy family I am living my dream of going back to school so I should be jumping up and down estatic but I am not.

I am fat when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself I see my mother and it gets me down.
I have never been drop dead gorgeous I mean no guy has ever walked into a wall while looking at me but I have had my moments where I felt attractive you know when I was skinny and I could wear any style but for me it was always the package it was always about where I worked and how much money I was making and my intelligence guys would tell there friends she works so and so to discribe me and you accept those things about yourself.
I once had a boyfriend who used to tell me I was too skinny but now I would do anything to go back to my skinny days.

Saturday is my husband's birthday and Sunday is our 7th aniversary and Monday is my birthday and we should be going to some exotic location and celebrating the weekend together but I would much rather hideout at home.

I am so tired of being fat and invisible yes invisible I am tired of going out with my skinny friends and have guys ask me for my 'friend's' number I want too much I guess I hate that my husband is aging better than me and he have women making fools of themselves over him its like because he is married to an unattractive woman they feel like he is fair game.

I want lyrics from strange men a guy once came up to me and said girl are you as smooth all over as your legs? made me high for days.
The last lyrics I got from a guy was girl I lick from front to back give meh a chance nuh? Gross!! I am down to the dregs now.

I have to stop now because I am feeling so sad and down today I am so tired of running and exercising and starving and not losing a pound even.
I have been at it since the year started and I am still fat. I'm just so tired of the struggle.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Firsts.............


No wonder! I heard a guy say that the women in Engineering look like dogs well I ein't helping the situation I finished working a full 12 hour night shift this morning and did not bathe I went straight to classes yes oh geed! and only had a shower after classes around 2pm thats terrible I looked and felt like hell.

Anyway I saw my first boyfriend today after years and years I call him my first boyfriend even though I 'm not sure he really was lets say he was my first love then.

He works at the University of course I ran into him on my worst looking day I probably smelt bad and my hair was a mess, these days I just don't know what to do with it makes me feel to just go back to the chemicals anyway I am going of course.

He looked great he looks a little like Musiq just like I remembered him he's married like me and he has two kids.

I call him my first love because I did love him if a 14 year old knows what love is I lived a very sheltered life my dad was so paranoid about his daughters he told us that all boys wants to get in our pants and we believed him.

Anyway I met him at a sports event I used to run for my school and he was this short cute guy I think he was about 17 not sure but he made my heart beat fast when he spoked to me and the following day in school he sent a message asking for my number and we started talking by phone of course we couldn't meet because my strict dad used to drop and pick me up everywhere but we found a way.

My school had a bazaar and we planned to meet I remember dancing to this song it goes like this 'mooove closer move your body real close until it feels like we really making love'.... remember that song that was my first time dancing close with a boy and we kissed that night too my first kiss I can tell you the date and time and how the moon looked because I still have my diary from back then boy was I in love then he set the bar because he was so respectful and kind I am not sure if I still have his cards I save everything so I am sure if I search I can find it he was so sweet but it was just too hard to be proper boyfriend/girlfriend those days so we must have just drifted apart and I did not have another boyfriend until I was 19 really he did set the bar and seeing him today brought back memories we did not get to talk properly because I was hustling to a lecture but now that I know where he works I will of course look him up again I have so much questions of course I'll make sure and look nicer next time.

I must say in my life I have been very lucky to meet and date some really cool nice guys guys I can still be friends with to this day and that I have only best wishes for including him my first.

Quote...............

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one who gets burnt. - Buddha.

Just found this in yesterday's Trinidad Guardian it was meant for me, note to self.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Dear H..............

Dear H,

I did not say anything when you took it upon yourself to bake pastries and goodies for my husband on a weekly basis I told myself he likes those things and since I can't bake good for him you are so kind.

I did not say anything when you lent him your brand new car when you went on your vacation even though a dent on it may cost us a years salary I said good for him driving around feeling like a pimp in a car he can't afford but I did find it strange that you will lend him your car but your flesh and blood son can't even drive it.

I did not say anything on those evenings when he had to jump at your beck and call when you wanted a light bulb changed or even your fish tank cleaned.

But today you crossed the line when you decided to give him a neck massage right infront of me and decided to lecture me about how i'm not doing my wifely duties and taking care of my husband excuse me, but I can take very good care of my man thank you very much.

I just have one question for you if you are such a man expert why don't you have a man?

Yours truly,

Amelia.


This is a letter that I wish I could send to a certain family friend but it will hurt her feelings so instead I'll put it on my blog yes I am a big coward.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Party Animal.................

I was going to blog about the party on Saturday talk about how much of a good time I had and tell you how much respect I have for Allison Hinds she gave a great performance her ability to wine and stop is amazing I can tell you how Rupee was great and he said somebody grabbed his totie (term for his privates) when he was reaching into the audience real funny I can tell you that Destra looked great can't wait for my abs to look like hers she busted a hole in her pants and had to stop performing to change it but something has been on my mind that happened that night and this is my only way of dealing with it by writing who knows I might delete this post after but I have to get it out.

One of my girlfriends did something that I am confused about I think she crossed a line lastnight.

This friend she has gone thru a transformation in the space of a year she was depressed for a while she would cry at the drop of a hat and she loosed some weight did a make over started going out and its the happiest I have ever seen her.

I find myself having to defend her constantly my sister and I had a disagreement over her because of the way she dresses my thing is whatever makes her happy we women like to judge each other too much I think when we should support each other instead.

Anyway last night we picked her up and we all were heading to the concert then since we were so early she suggested that we stopped at this new bar on the avenue called the Crowbar we sat and chat since we were not drinking alcohol I tried a Red Bull suppose to give you energy still waiting for it to work and the next thing you know she says she is not going to the concert with us she made other plans and she sold her ticket outside the venue and some guy in an expensive car pulled up and picked her up and she left and of course my other girlfriend was pissed me as I said was all whatever makes her happy not that I was condoning her behavior and to make things worse when the concert was over she called to ask for a ride home and my girlfriend told her she should get the guy to take her home instead and now I had to promise my other girlfriend that I will not invite her out with us again you see she well we are all married and she thinks we can get into a lot of trouble because she might be horning (trini term for cheating )her husband and you all know that I am not a good liar she put us in a very uncomfortable spot my thing is if you want to cheat on your spouse don't involve a third party of course I had to tell my husband and he agrees with my other friend that we should stay away from her and her dangerous game me I am not so sure we all I think are rushing to judgment again we don't know what she did with the guy maybe it was an innocent date I don't know I have spent the better part of this day thinking about this whole mess.

The thing is I am putting the party animal back into his box and packing him away for a while maybe until after mid term exams so we won't be liming at all unless Prince decides to come to Trinidad I'm good until then but I have to do something I would hate to drop a friend because of me judging her I have no way of knowing what goes on inside her marriage maybe this is her way of dealing with whatever it is. I should just ask her not to repeat something like this or be angry with her because of the position she put me in I just don't know.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Learn from me.................

I learned one very important lesson this week.

I CANNOT party during the week and expect to function like normal.

It seems i may have to take a coleague's advise and not party until next year *sniff* for carnival.

My girlfriend's birthday was on Wednesday and when I called her to wish her happy Birthday she was down because it was her 35th birthday and she had no plans so I went into action and made a few phone calls and we ended up going to a club three girls out in the middle of the week.

We went to club 51 Degrees and it was latin night and we had a ball there is nothing like dancing with a spanish guy singing the words to some spanish song in your ear corazon,amor and noche all the songs had those words heeeheee.

I danced with this one guy he kept spinning me around on the dance floor my calves and thighs are still in pain like I did a workout.

I had only one magarita and they were giving out free techila shots and i still feel hungover today.

My girlfriend had a great time too we kept embarassing her by telling her how great her ass and tits look for a mother of three I was her pimp for the night i told every cute guy who passed by that it was her birthday and she got lots of kisses and hugs there was this one guy we all fought over him like school girls he spoke little english and was to die for cute we all danced with him poor fella I wonder what he thinks about trini women now we have no behavior.

And now I am behind in my studies and Allison Hinds and Rupee are having a concert tomorrow and unless I get all my homework and assignments done I cannot go well I can go but it will be bad and I have to stay focused *snift*

I should be studying now even oh this is so hard.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Meme week..................


OH JOY ! I am getting my costume made like this I spoke to one of the organizers of the band and I told her i did not want to wear a bikini and she's going to make my costume just like this so happy!

Still in the meme mood got this from Jon over at his Gray Matters blog one of my favorites the guy is crazy and you can't help but like him visit him and say hello.

The Bold ones are the ones that apply to me bet you won't read the whole thing....

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you"and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a babys diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne for sure!
25. Given more than you can afford to charity but it always worked out
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when youre not ill hell yeah
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier my breast hehehe
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign governments official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a strangers table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Lets Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but dont regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone whos not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldnt have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you dont remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark its a staple in Trinidad bake and shark
113. Removed - Im not telling that one [???]
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Removed - Not telling this one either [wtf??]
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children at the moment
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didnt stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldnt have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a seizure
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someones heart none that i know of
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being [pfft, whos gonna answer THAT?]
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery emergency cesarian while asleep
159. Had sex on a moving train made out though
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someones mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch sewing
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn;t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Another one.............


I got this from Renee she has an amazing blog about her weightloss journey.....

1. What is the ratio of sexy panties to granny panties currently in your possession?

- Ok mostly grannies lets just say i have been planning to get some decent ones when I lose weight I usually ignore the sexy ones unless hussy asks nicely I'll put one on.

2. Pretend you won one of the "make your dreams come true" deals that Oprah is always giving away. What would you ask for?

If I'm allowed to be very selfish then my dream is to have enough money so I could go to school full-time and not have to work because going back to school has been my dream for a while so I guess I am already kinda making my dream come true.


3. Describe your high school days in one word.

- awkward.


4. If you could shag any celebrity in the world, who would be your top three picks?

To tell the truth i have more than three but here goes....

Adrien Brody (did you see Love The Hard Way? eemmh *me sweating*

Maxwell (I mean the guy sang till the cops come knocking imagine him singing in your ear) ooooweee! *sweating somemore*

50 cent ( sometimes a girl wants to be man handled in bed and he looks like the type that can give you a good calorie burning session)
don't you think?



5. If you had all the money in the world, more than you could ever spend in four lifetimes, would you eat some?

- Hell no.

6. Tag three people.

- You guys can do this if you like.


The picture is from Island People 2006 band The Enchanted Forest l ove the colour.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Wake me up when September ends........


Love that song!

I found this at Becky Banton's blog

Seven Things I Plan to Do Before I Die:

1. Stay at least 6 months in New York just for the experience.
2. Conquer this weight problem once and for all.
3. Finish my degree perhaps my masters.
4. Build my dream home the one with the swimming pool
5. Adopt a child
6. Meet Tony Pierce a person who I don't know but he was able to influence my life in a positive
way.
7. Not necessarily be rich but leave some kind of legacy for my kids.

Things I Can Do:

1. Sew clothes and crochet
2. Go days without sleep and still function
3. Cook
4. Service a car
5. Multitask
6. Give a great massage
7. Cart wheels (at my age)

Things I Can't Do:

1.Swim
2.Drive
3.Whistle no matter how hard I try.
4.Losee weight from dieting alone.
5. Tell people exactly what I think I worry about hurting their feelings
6.Bake
7.Talk without moving my hands its a trini thing


Things I say most often:
1.Whatt the hell..
2.Ohh my word...
3.Exactlyy
4. HiHii!
5. Lordee..
6.Ehh eh
7.Ohh me gosh...

Things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1.A great smile
2.Strong hands long fingers
3. dreadlocks
4.Gooddsensee ofhumorr
5.Kindnesss
6.Intelligencee
7. Talkative

Celebrity crushes:

1. T.I I know I'm a craddle robber)
2. James Blake (reason to watch tennis)
3. Tony Pierce
4. Tyson Beckford
5. Brian Lara (reason to watch cricket)
6. Gary Dourdan (reason to watch CSI)
7. Romany Malco (reason to watch weeds on showtime)

Oh and the picture is a section called crazy carnival in Poison their launch was last week check out the website here.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Good news..........

I got some good news today and i have to share it.

My youngest sister called she and her husband are expecting another baby such good news it seems that my sisters and i have a nack for conceiving babies on holiday they went to St. Lucia for a short vacation a while back, my other sister went to Grenada with her boyfriend and came back pregggy and me my son was conceived in Tobago I don't know what that is about but I was hoping to visit Jolly Habour in Antigua for my aniversary this month now i'm scared out of my mind he he he maybe they put something in the hotel water.

The other good news is my in-laws are coming to Trinidad next week for a visit and I can't wait I love them so.
My father-in-law is so handsome and sexy in his golf playing 60's that i know I will still be humping my husband when he is that age too yes i have a sick mind.
My real mother-in-law does not like me we haven't seen each other in years even though she lives right here in Trinidad and attends a church not far from where we live.

I stoped trying to figure her out a long time ago we never had an argument or anything its just understood that i was not her first choice for a daughter-in-law she calls my husband on his cell even when she knows he's at home to avoid talking to me yes it hurts but what can you do when people are set in their ways she once refered to me as that black gyal and did not know i was in the other room and heard her she put her hand over her mouth and ran when she saw me and never appologised its always funny when black people call each other black some of us believe that the lighter our skin is the less black we are its really sad.

Anyway my husband's step mother she lives all the way in Maryland she has been a doll to me we have a huge age difference but we talk on the phone every week she treats me like a daughter she taught me how to make American foods like cream of mushroom chicken and bbq ribs we spent Thanksgiving with them in 2003 and she got me hooked on apple pie I love her so much, we have so much in common we love to shop love bargains always on some kind of diet we both tried the special k diet together she buys the best gifts and actually took an interest in me and i think if my husband's mother really try to get to know me we could be friends but what can you do and its a sore point with my husband and i i feel like he doesn't defend me I can't tell you how many times we have had arguments about it and maybe since i have a son too maybe someday i will understand how she feels but i keep feeling like i am getting in the way of his relationship with his mother and if someday if she is sick or something he may blame me for their relationship troubles.

Anyway I hope you guys all get some kind of good news this coming week.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Age..........

As you all know I am back in school this week I am extremely tired can't begin to explain how tired I work the night shift leave work at 6am head home catch some sleep if you could call it that and head to school for classes its not easy but I am so happy I can't explain how but I am.

But I am feeling my age not in the I am tired all the time sence more in the I am 32 and all these teenagers are getting on my last nerve I can't remember being so clueless when I was thier ages you see what I mean a sign of old age is when you say things like in my time we used to do so and so.........

I felt old when a lecturer did not show up for a class and I called him to find out what was happening and he said that classses will start next week no one else thought to do that.

I felt old when one of our lecturers said as engineering students we should read other things besides text books pick up an Earl Lovelace book now and then and the blank stares told that these students probably don't know who Earl Lovelace is.

I felt old when I had to ask some guys to keep the noise down when I was catching up on some reading they probably thought look at this old hag trying to get a degree at her age they were talking about some club I mean I don't have to let the world know that I went to some party well i do blog about my partying but I don't go disturbing people maybe I'm jealous.

I felt old when a lecturer gave out only 6 copies of some notes and one girl who got a copy started writing in hers and when I asked her if she planned to make copies for the other students she said she doesn't have the time I tried to explain that she just had to find out the cost and the students will pay her and I just gave up and thanked my lucky stars that I got the notes last year I mean how dense and selfish can someone be.

I know I probably envy their youth and energy and the great start that they are having in life my dad left when I was their ages and a job and survival was my priority not university and I wish i could have done the living on campus full time thing but who knows I may not have had the drive that I have now and may not have taken it so seriously.

But I am having fun learning IS fun when you understand something that you think only a genius could it does something to your ego.

Tony Pierce is having a competition for the cover of his next book so any of you talented people out there could try to win the prize.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Pics...


Too tired to blog here is a picture for the ladies this is from the wild samazi section of tribe another reason to play mas next year eye candy...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

blogging while tired..........


I should put that on a tee-shirt too..

I don't know why i thought it was ok to eat pizza, cookies,drink alcohol gin and sprite my new favorite drink not exercise and still expect to lose weight talk about living in a fantasy...
The three lb lose last week is now a 4lb gain this week and so the battle begins again huh.....

Another picture to remind me again why i need to lose weight my girlfriend will be playing in this section she has two kids and look as good as these models of Tribe its called vineyard of the deep isn't it pretty?

The newspaper said that the band made history no band has ever sold out in such a short time i mean there were sections costing as much as $6000tt thats almost $1000us you could believe that Trinidadians doh mek joke with they carnival.




Oh and meh boy yes we go way back is doing great he advanced to the next rounds go James Blake well done!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Embarassment of the year........................

So my husband who is proving everyday that he is the best husband of the year woke up extra early this morning to help our son get ready for school so that I could do some pre reading for my first day of classes today.

He made breakfast he cooked lunch I mean great lunch too bbq chicken callaloo and macaroni pie.

He got our son dressed for school and left for work for 7am amazing isn't it.

So we sat and waited for his driver to come pick him up I had an 11am lecture and by 7:30am his driver isn't there yet he has to be at school for 8am you will think I would have gotten a clue I called my husband in a panick he left work to come pick us up but a neighbour who is a professor at the university was leaving and I took a ride with him when we got to our son's school low and behold we were the only ones there apparently his school starts on wednesday but his absent minded parents did not check the date and just assumed his school starts like everyone else.

Thank God my mom was able to come over and take care of him so that I could attend classes and of course our son who at 5 already thinks he is smarter than his parents got confirmation today and can't stop lauging at us and has already told his aunties about it so embarassing.

School was great today I signed up for the hiking, history and karate club I wish I could do swimming and french too but of course with my schedule I should just pace myself.

Also there is a 1/2 marathon in November and I would like to train for it.

Somehow everything is making sence I still have the same crazy maths lecturer from last year and he made the same lame jokes like last year but this time I know what its all about so hopefully things will be better.

Wish me luck people because i need it.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Blogging while drunk...............

Ok this is a first for me but I have to do this while its still fresh in my mind its 6:35am and I just came in from liming.

We had lots to celebrate here in Trinidad the Soca warriors won the match beating Guatemala 3-2 and I have to tell you about my concert experience.

So my husband decided at the last minute that he did not want to go and I did not cry or fuss I called my sister and she decided to come and we had a ball no lie every thing in here is true.

We get to the concert and it started late and the vip section that we paid $250.tt to get into we still had to buy drinks we were so mad and then when Jagged Edge came on and the performance was piss poor we walked out of the concert and this guy came up to us and we told him that we were leaving and he took us to the bands dressing room and gave us drinks no lie and we chatted and then one of Joe's managers got us into vvip section and treated us so good we got to see the rest of the show up close Joe was amazing these women were behaving so crazy he pulled some girl onto the stage and when she climbed up she had no panties on we got an eye full I can't get it out of head gross.............

9:55am

I had to take a break..............its my off day and I have a training program to attend its going to be a long day my eye lids are so heavy and I don't drink coffee so its tea and bad mind keeping me up.

Anyway the concert was great Joe sang his heart out he was amazing I was really impressed and after the concert we did the groupie thing and went to the Hilton hotel with some of the crew members and had some drinks and talked late into the morning we made some friends one guy in particular was from Aruba and he could speak 7 languages he taught us to say I love you in Dutch don't ask me to repeat it now but it was great and I have a long day ahead so peace out.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Friends....................................

I did not see Sparrow last night I just went to bed and low and behold my girlfriend calls early this morning because she wanted to join me on my morning run and of course instead of saying to her the things I should say I said ok and I know she was going to annoy me because she talks during our run and I just like to put on my walkman and do my thing.

At one point I actually looked at her and asked myself why are we friends again? we are not a match she cusses and is loud me I am more low keyed and private i guess its our history and we do have fun together.

We met when we started working at the same place I was about 18 we shared an apartment together at one time that was a disaster. We moved in together we just had one rule no men we were at the saving ourselves for marriage stage in our life we I was anyway but the next thing you know she is pregnant and everyone knew except me her best friend and the next thing her husband well boyfriend at the time is practically living with us and I am still paying half the rent and I finally couldn't take it anymore I asked my dad to help me move my stuff back home but she became ugly she told me it was her homones at the time I don't know but she hurt me bad because I was just starting a relationship with a guy at the time and she told me that I was going around with her leftovers yes that hurt bad eventually she got fired and we did not see each other for 8 years until I had my son he ended up in the same kindergarden as her last child and we have been friends since then about 3 years now.

I guess it must be restlessness on my part and I am changing and the things that I used to tolerate before is starting to annoy me.

Or it might be pms because i have been crying at the drop of a hat these pass few days I mean this morning i wanted to take a cell with me since I don't ever remember to charge my cell I had to use my husband's cell and low and behold he has a password to access it you know the first thing that went thru my mind I mean why does he need to have a password on his cell and now I don't even feel like going to the concert tonight I told him to take his girlfriend this has to be pms.

I feel like going to the stadium instead the national football team soca warriors have some do or die world cup qualifier match today against Guatemala and Russel Latapy will be playing talk about easy on the eyes that man does look good.

Friday, September 02, 2005

No friends...........


I hate it when i want to go out and i can't find anyone to go out with me makes me feel like ah have no friends.

The Mighty Sparrow will be performing in the Garden Santuary this evening and i want to go bad its an intimate little place so you will get to see him up close and personal and i can't get anyone to go with me imagine i have never seen him perform the man is 70 and a legend who knows if he can continue performing and he performing right near my home not even in town and i can't get anyone to go with me.

I can't ask husy because i already begged him to come with me to a concert on saturday Joe, 112 and Jagged Edge will be performing and he agreed to come we have tickets already and i know he will not be up for this show tonight he's just not into the liming thing and i may have to go by myself but the way the crime is in this country i don't know if its a good idea to go alone the news today kept talking about some woman bandit who killed some guy last night it eh easy.

I really need to get my licence quick or get some liming friends.

Anyway enjoy your weekend.

James Blake................


I put on my exercise clothes last night after my husband left for work and my son was put to bed and I planned to finally try the winsor pilates that i have for a while now but of course i ended up watching msnbc and before you know it it was late like everyone else out there i cried when they showed the covered bodies and people who look just like me and could be family members suffering so much it hurt real bad.

I knew i had to stop watching or I would not be able to sleep so i ended up watching a men's match in the us open and it was great and James Blake won they kept talking about how he broke his neck in some accident and here he was winning his match last night it was good.

I am not a tennis fan but anything to lift the spirit i can watch any sport once there are guys that are easy on the eye that's why I can't stand American football can't see anything with those helmets and padding on.

And this mornings newspaper talks about how the price of chicken may go up because a lot of the feed and hatching eggs come thru the Mississippi and this could affect the price of chickens and you see how connected we are in the world and I say who gives a hoot I can live without chicken anyday.

I just want to see a whole lot of airplanes like Cane said on his blog I want Oprah and her friend John Tavolta use their private planes and go rescue as many people as possible but i guess i watch too much tv and there is a huge difference between reality and fiction and the next time I see a show about how rich the stars are like last night vh1 had a show about the wives of rich men in America and there was Richard Simmons wife with all her shoes and i know the timing could not be worse because they come on tv and boast about their riches but how come they are not on tv rushing to help.

OK i know i should not judge people but i can't help it.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Sex on the brains................



I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I don't get porn.

One of the cruelest things I think I have ever done to my husband was throw away a bag full of his stuff in my defence I did not mean to we had a fight and I put it in the garbage as a treat but the gabage truck only passes on mondays wednesdays and fridays and it was a thursday and guest what by the time I got inside the truck was coming down the road and I was too shame to go back for it I mean what could I tell the garbage men?

Anyway I could never hear the end of that and his friends all complained too because apparently they exchange movies and some of them weren't his I know real cruel.

Anyway I have never understood porn those women do not look like they are enjoying themselves it all seems to be about the guy getting off.

I have a list of movies that are in my humble opinion better than porn.

Fall - Great movie about a cab driver falling for a super model you have to see it.

The lovers - This movie is about a rich japanese guy falling for a poor young
white girl there is an amazing bath tub scene.

Unfaithful - Yes we all know Diane Lane was so hot in this movie.

House of flying Daggers - I know this was a kung fu movie but it did it for me.

Last Tango in Paris - Marlon Brando and that french girl in the apartment so hot.

I can't think of anymore but to me these movies are so much better than porn we all know where the parts go so why do we need to have a camera with a close up shot and those bright lights and I could go on and I could even do a list of books that are better than porn but thats a whole other post.