SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.....


It Emacipation in my country and there is a lot of Bob Marley on the radio and the President of Nigeria is here a mic woke me up this morning inviting us to come to the main road later to wave at him as he passes by the last time I did that was when Brian Lara broke some cricket record and I took my son to see him pass in his limosine.

I love this time of year because people dust off their African clothes and wear really cool outfits I wore a cream indian cotton pants and tunic to work yesterday with a nice print down the front and I tied my hair with the extra fabric I don't know how to do the genuine head wrap but I looked ok we had a best outfit competition but I could not take part because I had a meeting to attend but I got to hear the drums from my office they invited some drummers to perform.

People argue that we are not Africans we are Trinidadians and why are we celebrating the thing is we are all decendants of African slaves and I believe that we have to remember that remember where we came from especially for the next generation there is a concert tonight and I might be going alone my husband has to work my twin sister took her son to Tobago its also great-fete weekend there there is a boat race (the same rich people win every year) from Trinidad to Tobago and there are parties all weekend long but I am a snob I was born in Tobago and hate when Trinidadians go over there and make alot of noise and litter I only go there on off quiet weekends.


Everybody that I have called have plans and I am not missing out on this concert I love Gregory Isaacs and Bunny Wailer so I am going I am sure I will meet someone that I know its not the first time that I have done this.

Last year John Holt came to Trinidad and I went alone when I asked my friends to go they did not know who he was my dad has all his records and I love him I think I am an old soul because I love musicians from that era.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Books


I am reading this book and I can't put it down until I am finished so everyone have a great weekend.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Secrets part II....

So I write a posts about the fact that my husband knows all my secrets and I get home and get on the scale and realise that yes there are things about me that he definitely does not know and thats my weight...

Thats one thing about me he doesn't know the number my girlfriend knows but not him its one thing I am too embarassed to discuss I remember crying real tears one time when I found out how close in weight we were I am 5'2 and he is 6' and we had almost the same weight.

He can lose weight so easy he would say wow looks like I am getting a gut and in no time his stomach is flat and it seem effortless me I go to the gym, run kill myself to lose just one pound.

I have a picture on our wedding day and he is lifting me up and no way I would let him even try to lift me up like that now he would throw his back out for sure.

So there are things he definitely don't know about me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Secrets....

Someone asked me if my DH knows about my blog. Yes he does I am not very good at keeping secrets I told him about Tony Pierce the first time I found his blog and he answered one of my emails I don't think he's interested though but he is nice about it he checks the mail box for that How to blog book because I don't have the heart anymore I have been waiting for it for ages now.

I have diaries from the time I was 13 he has read most of them so he knows who kissed me first and when and where and my current diary is where he can read it if he wants to he knows the password to my email account and my blog the thing is I can't keep secrets from him I tell my friends if you don't want him to know something then don't tell me because I have a big mouth and he says my eyes give me away I do not have a poker face I think its too much hard work to remember not to tell him something or keep stories straight.

My life is too stressful as it is I remember when I used to work night shift the guys would tease me and say its 3am do you know where your husband is? It never bothered me their lame jokes I was always cool I used to say I hope he is having fun whereever he is.

I am married to a great guy and after reading Trouble's posts yesterday I wonder if I give the impression that DH is a bad guy he is not I'm the misearable, moody, pain in the ass one but this is my blog so I can't write about anything else but my feelings and reactions to things if you met my man you will wonder what did she do to land him? Really you would I wonder myself all the time but what can you do sometimes who knows maybe one day he will get his own blog.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

This Blog

I am feeling so much better today I went to the library and the first thing the librarian said was where have you been I have the book you've been asking for she is so great we became friends when I was unemployed and the library became my refuge so I have in my hand a copy of White Oleander a book recommend by a friend and I can't wait to read it.

Something weird happened yesterday though my twin sister called me and we talked like old times we used to be so close and connected when we were younger I guess she must have known that I was down she just called me out of the blue and I told her what was going on and she just listened and it was nice.

My DH has the day off today too so we are heading down to San Fernando to spend the day we have a friend who opened a pastry shop she makes the best timarisu ever and we just want to show our support.

This blog is turning out to be more rewarding than I thought I put my feelings on here and I get support and advice from people I have never met and such kindness its overwhelming so thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Party!!!!

I am having a pity party and you all are welcome....

Just come to my house come up the steps its the room to your right, ignore the smell I haven't bathe in a while and bring your own food I ate all the left overs in the fridge and now I am eating a bottle of marishino cherries.

I have Aretha on repeat on the CD and Bridget Jones' Diary on the DVD so come and join me.


My son told me that I don't love his father because I am always quarelling and his father broke my heart by not correcting him and so now I am throwing a party he took our son to spend some time by his grandparents so I have the house to myself he wanted me to stop playing the Aretha song but I told him I'll play it until the men in white suits come for me or until I feel better.

I love that Aretha song it eases the pain becaue the person who wrote it knows exactly how I feel and Aretha must have had that pain in her heart to sing that song with such feeling.

My favourite part is where she says:

(Ain't no way) It ain't no way-hey-hey
For you me to love you (hoooo)
If you won't let me
Stop tryin' to be someone you're not
(Oooooo)
A hard, cold and crude is a man
Who paid too much for what he got
And if you need me, to love you
Say, say yeah you do


For the men reading this blog if all the woman in your life wants is for you to tell her you love her and show it just do it doesn't make you less of a man or uncool or a wimp. I don't understand why that is so hard to do ok just do it.

I am heading back under the covers now.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Chocolate factory...


I took my son to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday.

My favorite blogger did a review yesterday and I decided we should see it.

I don't want to spoil it by giving away the movie but would you believe that the movie frightened our son there was a part where something happend to the fat kid and that frightened him he slept in our bed last night because he was so scared.

This reminded me of E.T my dad took us to see that movie and I remember that I got nightmares from that movie and I always say that I have to see E.T again to figure out why it was so scary for me as a child I think its just the way E.T looked.

Its so hard this parenting thing you try not to do anything that would mark your child for life and you never know what will affect them later on in life I remember when Janet Jackson flashed her breast on tv I don't understand American football but we were watching the superbowl because my in-laws were watching it in DC and our son saw it and it was not a big deal he sees my breast all the time I don't hide from him because I don't want that when he grows up the first time a woman shows him her breast he freaks out because he is not used to seeing breast and his aunt is still breast feeding so its no big deal.

I agree with Tony children are not born bad its what we do as parents along the way that make them who they are we overindulge them sometimes,we don't teach them discipline and self control and expect them to be angels when they go out in the real world.

In my country crime is so out of hand and the theory is its a result of all these parents who decided to migrate in the late 80's and left their kids with neighbours and grandparents they call them barrel babies because the parents sent goodies in barrels and now these kids are adults who want those same goodies and are not prepared to work so they commit these crimes for sneakers and whenever there is a big concert in Trinidad the petty crimes increase because they need money for the conserts it makes sense when you think about it.

I remember my dad wanting my mom to do that things were hard and he wanted her to go to the US and probably get a babysiting job and send money back everyone was doing that back then but she said absolutely not she is not leaving her 4 daughters to be raised by a man who cannot even cook and things might have been better moneywise but I love her for standing up to him because the money would not have made up for what we would have had to go thru without her being around and there is more to being a parent than having lots of money to buy the things your kids want and thats what I got from watching the Chocolate movie yesterday so go see it.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Heaven

My son's teacher told me this story yesterday she was teaching the kids about heaven and hell and she asked the class if they knew what hell is and my son answered by saying ......

You mean like in what the hell?

Guess who he got that from? His teacher was not amused she said we have to be careful what we say infront of him. I thought I was too old to get lectured especially by my son's Kindergarden teacher. Oh well what can you do.

This post by Zulieka who just had a baby had me thinking about when I was a new mom and my friends became the ones who understood my new responsiblilties and the ones who did not get it.

Some of our friends wanted us to continue liming (trini term for hanging out) and they just never got that when you are breastfeeding its hard to party and drink like you used to and that your child becomes your priority. My DH and I we did things the hard way we did not hire any help we both worked shift and used to do a tag team thing and lordy we were so tired at the end of the day sometimes we learned a lot of lessons that its ok to ask for help, that people like family and friends can and will be able to take care of your baby sometimes better than you can and its ok to go out even if its one night for the month.

Also its not ok to say hell in front of a 5 year old.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Friendship....

I am spending the day again with my "tabanca" friend Lordy I have tears in my eyes already he gives me stories about his love life and even though R U Serious says that a man and a woman can't be friends we have been friends for 7 years now and I am not interested in sleeping with him one, because I am married and two, because he is a ho just kidding, but he was telling me about some 20 something year old girl who just came over to his house and undressed in front of him and he can't believe that his you know what reacted the way it did for an old man.

Yes we talk like that he trys to shock me with his stories he believes that his girlfriend and his age must not add up to 70 and he's 40 so you know he is in for trouble if he keeps this up but you can't tell a person how to live there life all you could do is be there for them and tell them when they are making a fool of themselves but he doesn't take me on at all.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Pervy...


I was thinking how do you know that you are normal or not?

Sometimes I think if people could read my mind I may end up in an institution.

Is it pervy to think in your head the first time you hear someone die "I hope they had plenty sex"

Is that pervy or sick even?

Is it pervy to not be interested in a movie unless there is at least one love scene in it? That's why I am not interested in Star wars or Batman or any of those no love scene movies.

Thats why Love Jones is my favourite movie best love scene between two black people in a movie.

Is it pervy to be married and still get Vin Diesel fantasies? That bald head of his does things to me.

Is it pervy to wonder if people over 50 have sex and enjoy it?

Its just how my mind works sometimes I think about sex all the time these days and its getting worse with age.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Meme

I am it thanks to Abene..here goes...


Ten years ago

I was partying,travelling enjoying my single life then my husband (we were friends at work) asked me out and we went for drinks after work and he held my hand and it was electric and there was no looking back for me.

5 years ago

I was a new mom and was getting ready to return to work I stayed home with him for 6 months and we were getting ready to sign on the dotted line(mortgage scary) for our new house.

One year ago

Unemployed,depressed,overweight,sad worse year ever.

Yesterday

Doing the same thing now at work and sneaking some blog time.

Today

Work

Tomorrow

Neighbour's birthday party

Five snacks I enjoy

Popcorn
Potato chips
raw peanuts
gummy bears
yogurt


Five Bands/singers that I know the lyrics of most of their songs

Bob Marley
Jill Scott
Aretha Franklin
Celine Dion
Machel Montano




Things I would do with 1000.000.000

Get a bigger house with a swimming pool
Travel to Europe without a budget
Adopt at least 5 kids
Buy a house for my mom (with a full staff)
Hire a personal trainer who looks like Tyson Beckford



Five Locations I'd like to run away to

Key West
Carlifornia ( to meet Tony P )
New York
Jamaica
Paris

Five Bad habits I have

I pick at my litle toes until they bleed
Snacking
Making to do lists for everything
I have to have the tv and radio on at the same time
Talking on the phone for hours and hours

Five things I like doing

Blogging
Reading
Talking on the phone
Watching Tv
Eating

Five things I would never wear


1. Stilettoes (I have accepted my heightits not worth the pain)
2. Low rider jeans that show your butt crack
3. Bikini in public( I don't want to scare the public)
4. Weave (it freaks me out that I could be wearing a dead person's hair)
5. Anything that shows off my belly (I had a 9lb baby )

Five tv shows I like

Newly Weds
Girlfriends
CSI (the original)
24
Sureal Life

Five Movies I like

Love Jones
Bridget Jones Diary
Nemo
Waiting to Exhale
The Mirror Has two faces(these all came to mind)

Five famous people I'd like to meet

Tony Pierce
Oprah
Tony Pierce
Tony Pierce
Guess who?


Five biggest joys at the moment


Son
Husband
Blogging
Life
Sex

Five favorite toys

Don't have any toys :O((vibrator?will get one soon)

OK so anyone who wants to you're it.

Driving in cars...


One of my bosses dropped me home yesterday and he drives one of those mid-life cars its black and low to the ground and only has two doors and you have to move the front seat to sit in the back and by the time I got out of it my heart was in my throat he drove like we were on a speedway and I know people might think I exaggerate but I hate fast driving I am more of a driving miss Daisy kind of passenger stay under 40 and I am a happy girl most of my friends and my DH knows this about me and its a running joke but I don't care and my boss must have thought that that kind of driving might impress me but it doesn't and I was too chicken to tell him.

I don't have my license and I may never get it I may need therapy for this but cars make me nervous I have been in 2 serious accidents one a drunk driver hit us head on its not nice to see headlights coming at you full on and you can't do anything but brace for impact and the other a taxi I was in blew out a tire and we ended up upside down in a ditch and even though I was not hurt physically the damage is more internal accidents happen so suddenly but I believe speed contributes to it most times so I can't stand fast driving I break out in cold sweat and can't breath.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Man Lessons


R U Serious who has a great blog by the way had me thinking so here are the 5 things that I learned about men so far in my short life.

1. Can't get them to stop watching porn so don't even try.

2. If he says you might be fridgid dump his a** he's just too lazy to try and figure
you out.

3. A bulge or lack thereof is not an indication of what he might be packing.

4. If he has two or more kids with two or more women speak to them before getting
involved, don't think he is going to be different with your kid.

5. If he doesn't want to use protection run as far away as you can.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

OH EMILY

So because of this huricane I missed blogging yesterday and my girl JAG sweetheart that she is left me a surprise thank you girl you made my day.

This is for that bad man driving that 100 year old Toyota this morning who decided to drive thru a puddle of water and wet me on my way to work bad bad man karma is going to get you.
This is for the good man who held the taxi door for me this morning and paid for me when he saw what happened I don't know you but you are a good good man and karma is going to reward you.

So I left home 30 minutes before my DH and I am here at work and he had to return home because there is flooding everywhere and I might be stuck here but I am not complaining because I can catch up on my reading, yes like a girl running I am a blogaholic.

My thoughts and prays are with those people affected by Emily and Abeni I hope you are ok I understand its heading your way.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

No Title

I was going to dedicate this post to Mr. Earl Lovelace because today is his 70th bday and this week is dedicated to him and I intended to attend all the events so that I could get him to sign one of my books but as Mad Bull would say some dam eadit decided to put an explosive device in a bin in the city Port of Spain and now they are discussing whether there should be a state of emergency or not and the internet is soooo slow today I have to make it short, hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Carlifornia knows how to party.........

I got up and went for my run and met Gramps he is this old guy handsome with white hair and he does laps around me I feel like such a wimp so today I decided to try and keep up with him and I figured out his secret he runs really really slow so when I do a 200m run at my pace it takes me 600m to recover and catch my breath but today I kept up with him we did three times around the savannah like that but he was there before me and guess what he did he ran backwards for about 100m and then he did a sprint for 100m and I had to stop and when we met up he winked at me as if to say amateur but I am thinking in my mind OK Gramps you win today but in a couple of weeks I will be doing laps around you and we'll see who will be winking at who.

I am proud to say that I did 7 laps today instead of my usual 5 ((applause)) so 7 times around an 800m track is ...I don't know I don't have a calculator but its a lot I had plan to just do 6 but when I was almost done this Tupac song came on the radio on my walkman Carlifonia knows how to party.... and I just got pumped to keep on going so I did 7 wohoo!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Things you should never let your man see you do

This article in the newspaper had me lauging....


Leaving wet towels on the floor.
Exaggerating your stories at parties.
Calling your partner by a baby name in public.
Asking your partner to tell you how you look.
Making negative comments about what your spouse is wearing.
Making embarrassing, humiliating, or degrading remarks about your partner in public. Laughing at your own jokes that others don't see as funny.
Packing too many items on a trip. Burping. Lack of personal hygiene.
Taking too long to get ready to leave the house.
Boring your partner by spending too much time shopping.
Nagging.
Picking your nose.
Not picking up after yourself and acting like a slob.
Laughing shrilly.
Talking too much.
Being possessive.
Taking forever to get to the point in a conversation.
Responding in baby talk. Being bossy.
Spending too much money.
Flirting with other people of the opposite sex.
Passing gas.
Putting your feet on the furniture.
Being drunk.
Letting your partner see you on the toilet.
Letting your partner hear you bad mouth another woman


I have been guilty of doing so much of this stuff its a wonder my man still wants to be with me. I think its wrong though you have to be yourself in a relationship I plan to be married for a long time and I don't see anything wrong with my man see me on the toilet.

Definition of cute.

Tony Pierce cute eyes.

Cute beard.

Cute smile.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Mighty Sparrow


Today is The Mighty Sparrow's birthday he is 70 he's also called Birdie for short and known as The Calypso King of The World he is one of those original calysonians who sang about the happenings in his time he uses double entendre to convey his message in song some of his songs are Jean and Dinah, Congoman,Slave and Drunk and Disorderly.

I remember when I was a young girl getting into trouble for singing the lyrics to one of his songs and to tell the truth I did not even know the meaning of the words.

So happy Birthday Birdie keep going strong.

Tony P

I guess I am not the only person who had a great day yesterday my blog hero Mr. Tony Pierce did some celebrating last night and I am truly happy for him he got me into this whole blogging thing he wrote this and he answered my emails and inspired me to start my own blog and he is cute too. I would post a picture of him but I don't have permission but take it from me he is cute.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Ah hav ah tabanca ha..

I am spending the day with a friend we haven't seen each other in ages and he's giving me the story behind his drastic weightloss he got a 'tabanca' it is so hilarious 'tabanca' is trinidadian term for when your girlfriend or boyfriend leave you and you lose weight because you can't eat or sleep because of a heartbreak yes it is a serious thing but its funny when you see someone going thru it for real especially when the person deserves it.

He is 40 and dealing with it by dating a 20 something girl this Tom Cruise thing is spreading and he is so funny I am laughing my head off.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Sisters

My twin sister's company planned a family trip to Jamaica and she invited my younger single sister and because of huricane Daniel headed there today the trip was cancelled.

I was hurt because she did not invite me even though because of my job I would not have been able to go I still felt that the invitation should have been given she knows that Jamaica is the one caribbean island that I have not seen but since I got married we don't get along we play this I wish I had your life game and now she and my younger single sister have a little club going and I feel like an outsider they go to clubs and parties together and tell me about it after.

They went to a party with a male stripper and talked about how the guy couldn't get it up because the women intimidated him and they know that I would have loved to see it since my husband is the only naked man that I have seen in ages and when I ask them to invite me the next time I know its not going to happen we live in different worlds and we can't relate to each other they think I am a prude because I haven't been around the block as they say but I could have as much fun as them,just because I am married I am suppose to only have married friends and hang out with married people? So we don't really get along and I hope she gets married someday and see that you are the same person with or without the ring.

My thoughts and prays go out to my Jamaican bloggers Mad Bull and Yamfoot.

Sonny son son

Coversation with my son;

Me: Cut it out!
Me: Don't put the car in the water you will spoil it!
He: (Ignores me)
Me: OK give it to me I'll give it to charity!
He: Mom who is charity?

OK now it doesn't sound funny I guess you had to be there.

I got to the savannah late this morning and the sun was blazing hot.

I had to wrap a gift for my son's teacher this morning and write a thank-you note its his last day of school today and he made me list all the things she did for him this school term and he had to sigh it and it took forever I just hope he doesn't blurt out what the gift is before she opens it he loves to do that his new thing to say is "you wanna piece of me?" I don't know where he got it from some movie I think but he says it all the time.

My eyes water everytime I think about how big he's getting and he is fighting for his independence these days he wants to dress himself doesn't like to wear shorts he says little boys wear short pants and he is a big boy, he's only 5.
I am one of those mothers who embarrasses her kid by crying for everything I cried when he rode his bike without the training wheels the first time I cried in the Principal's office of the private school we wanted him to go to when she said she will accept him really embarrassing his kindergarten graduation ceremony is in two weeks and he has to do a poem and I know I will be making a fool of myself again but the people around me are familiar the first time he fell as a toddler and his new tooth cut his gum I saw blood and thought he will bleed to death my neighbor who is a doctor said I spoke gibberish over the phone and by the time she came over he was fine but I was the one who needed the medication to calm me and believe me they never make me forget that incident.

I always say having him was like someone taking out my heart and attaching limbs to it and every child you see you feel that way yesterday a little boy came up to me and asked me for food and I bought him lunch and gave him some money but he is still on my mind I wonder will someone give him food today? will he be ok today? if I go back to the same place today will he be there? and I know in my heart that I will adopt a child one day I just have to in my life there are teachers and neighbours and aunts who made a difference to me growing up and I have to pass it on.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Relationship

Last year around this time his bags were packed and he was heading back to his mother's house I was prepared to sell the house take my baby and start over.

My father came over and told me that leaving my mother was his biggest regret in life because what he thought he wanted he already had and now all he wants is to grow old with someone but he waited too long and its too late don't make the same mistake. My aunt came over and said she loves him like a son and we should work on whatever the problems were and we should think about the baby. My sister came over and said she wish for what I have and don't throw it away. My best friend did the you think you have it hard look at my husband thing and it worked I took him back and the councellor said we are not a perfect fit he needs a suzy homemaker type and you need a strong take charge type and he doesn't like to talk and you talk too much but with hard work it could work but where are these people on the nights that your pillow is wet from your tears and he is downstairs sleeping on the sofa and you can't sleep because your mind won't allow you.

So you get up and go downstairs and he's looking so good you wish you could climb on him but your pride won't let you and you go to the kitchen to prepare a great lunch for the boy and he comes in and grumbles morning and you ask him what is wrong and whatever it is you'll stop, you won't do it again just let you know and you know you sound pathetic but you just can't shutup sometimes and he goes upstairs and ignores you.

The boy comes downstairs see whats in the oven and hugs your leg and tell you you are the best and he has no idea how much he evens the scale and you send him off to school and you put on you sweats and carry your walkman to the savannah and say a little pray to God thanking him for not letting the rain fall today and for your health and family and you ask him for patience and strenght to go on and you run to clear your head.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Gymmmy

I did something today that I promised not to do this year I spent money on exercise I went to the gym it was raining a lot this morning and I was not in the mood for the treadmill or Orbitrex or perky Donna Richardson I just wanted something different so I went to the gym but I am proud to say that I did not join I forgot my student ID and I would have had to pay the full price which is $130 plus an extra $30 because I have been away for over 6 months and have to re-register whatever does that mean so I almost walked out but I saw the aerobics instructor walking in for the 9am class and he is geoooorgeous so guest what? I paid $20 for a drop in and it was great this guy has the nicest butt and body I have ever seen and I had to close my eyes several times because I kept losing time lusting over him.

Lordy! and he walks around with a stick and comes up close to your face to get you to do more reps OH GORDON! pepsodent breath and sex cologne mix he made me moist I know that was gross TMI but I can't help it so shoot me!

I felt very proud of myself because I really pushed myself and I ache all over I feel like I just had an hour of sex where your lover work you over I was sweating so much so tomorrow when I do my savannah thing (hopefully no rain) I am going to up it a bit and as long as I am off on a Tuesday I am going to be in that guys class no more $20 apple pies for me.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Locks


I sat behind a guy with the most beautiful dreadlocks in the taxi to work and I had to touch them I did not care.
I always thought that dreads were like limbs and if you touch them the person will feel it but I don't think he knew, they were all the same thickness and jet black with reddish streaks and I always want to ask what made you decide to grow a ras.

I have had my hair natural for the past 3 years I got tired of being a slave to chemicals and one day I just shaved off all my hair I did not ask anyone their opinion I just did it I was tired and now my hair is the most healthiest it has ever been I can wear it in an afro Angie Stone, Macy Gray, Jill Scott style or I could braid it or whatever today I have it up in one.

I love that there is slow changes in my country where hair is concerned we have parliamentarians with rasta hairstyle.

I remember I had a boss asked me once if I had gone ethnic on him when I put braids in my hair once to come to work he caught me off guard I did not answer him then but now he dare not ask me such a ridiculous question and its strange that foreigners accept it more than us locals.

I worked for an American company in Trinidad I wore a wig to the interview because I thought they would object to my hair and the first day that I worked there almost everyone had natural hair and my immediate boss told me he cut off his locks thinking the same thing as me that they would have a problem with his hair and after that I never wore a wig again I don't ever want to work for a company where I can't be myself but its still not easy some people think this is temporary that I will eventually go Back to chemicals but I don't think so I can style my hair myself I don't need to pay anyone money to take care of my hair its a great feeling of independence that I love.

Happy 4th of July to my American friends!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Gray hairs

I am sprouting gray hairs with my worry.....

I worry that he's approaching 40 and mid life crisis
I worry that I don't deserve him and he knows it
I worry that he did not have many girlfriends before me
I worry that he'll find out what he's missing
I worry that his best friend's wife is so perfect
I worry that we don't do it as often as before
I worry that I am too fat
I worry that I can't be like those women in porn
I worry that he may want more kids and don't want to tell me
I worry that I worry too much.......

Postsecrets





This is so funny I found it at postsecret a blog where people put their secrets on postcards some are sad but some are funny like this one.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Sweet Trini

This newspaper article... was so funny last wednesday its about a 73 year old granny who held a bandit who shot her grandson by sitting on him until the police came but now someone wrote a song about it and its playing on the radio and now she gets to renact the whole thing at a comedy show, sometimes I love this country so much.

Pineboxes

I made it a policy not to talk about my job because one its boring and two its boring but hell I hate this feeling that my life is dictated by my boss.

I hate that I can't get time off to visit my girlfriend in NY because I have to suck up to him to get time off I find it so demeaning but this morning takes the cake.

I am giving myself an ulser right now because I am so pissed. OK so I am a planner and basically I plan for a living yet still I am in my gym clothes this morning kissing my DH and getting ready to go to the savannah and the phone rings its my work colleague who worked the night shift wondering why I haven't been to work he said my roster has been changed and I am to work this morning meaning I should have been there at 6am this is 7am he's calling I have been off these pass few days so my boss changes my roster and did not have the courtesy to tell me anything so I have to get dressed and come to work I hate being late it just throws off the whole day and I am so angry I hate this so much.

I hate working daylight I hate that I have about 3 bosses giving me instructions and that you have to go to so many meetings, meetings to discuss meetings and I have to dress up for work so I have to send my suits to clean no more jeans and sneakers oh God I hate working in the day I hate it I hate it.

The good thing though on my way to work I was sitting next to this older guy and he kept going on about how nice and clean Grenada is and I agreed with him but he said something that I can't stop thinking about he said the priest always say that no matter how big a person gets all of us have a tree growing in the forest to produce the wood to make our coffins hahahaha! I can't get the visual out of my mind I love older folks and the old time sayings that they say that have puts things in perspective for me so when my boss called this morning I know he was surprised that I was not ranting I was so cool he was thrown off so I am going to be cool about this shift change. I'm going to have fun no matter what.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Happy Day

My 21 day challenge is going great just finished my rounds around the savannah I did 5 today and did the last one non stop I felt pumped because they were playing this Missy Elliot song on the radio I took my walkman with me have to do a mix tape with that song on it it was a song with Busta on it don't know the name but it was great. I find it funny that JAG was talking about her breast feeling bigger because mine is feeling bigger and sore today I hope its just pms lord knows the last time it felt like this i was preggy and I might give my DH a heart attack if I get preggy now last night our son woke us up in a panic because one of his tooth is loose and he is acting like a baby about it had to give him yogurt for breakfast this morning.

I have lots to do today and feel brave enough to go shopping for some new jeans today all of mine are too big now, losing weight is the greatest and its the first friday in a long time that hussy and I are off together so we might go out tonight its been so long since we've been out so I want to look sexy and pretty.

I need a camera bad.