SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Music meme

I have been tagged by JAG.


The last cd I bought was:

John Legend Get lifted


Last acquired:

Maroon 5 Songs about Jane ( got it free after buying 10 cds )


Five songs I listen too a lot or that mean a lot to me:

1. Aint no way Aretha Franklin ( when I'm having relationship trouble)

2. Do me baby Prince ( gets the juices flowing always)

3. Thong song Sisco ( workout song for motivation )

4. Can't get you out of my head Kyle Minogue ( workout song for motivation I just channel that video gets me to do more squats)

5. Every woman Chaka Khan ( Empowering song )


Five people to whom I'm passing the baton:

Renee
Trouble
Independence of mind
Trinimuse
Danielle

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Sex on the brains




Not in the mood to post so this picture of Sean Paul will have to do.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Wee, small, puny

I feel like a pea right now I did something that I am not so proud of.

My son got the day off from school today and my girlfriend invited him over to her house because her youngest son's birthday was today all I had to do was bring him over and since I worked last night I could get some rest but the thing is I don't like sending my son anywhere unless either his father or I can be there he is all I have and even though she is my good friend and she has three boys too I always feel that no one can really look after my son like me I know that's unreasonable but that's how I feel I think her kids are a bit rough and he gets run over and I feel like I have to be there so I did not take him and worse I turned the phone off and just hid for the day yes I feel bad now but the worse is my husband said she passed later and my son blurted out that I did not want to see her God! and he thinks I should call her and I don't want to not right now anyway I know why I did it I know she has a tendency to make me feel small for how protective I am of my son and I really did not want a lecture today but I should have just called and tell her instead of just avoiding her.

Oooops


Lordy I just nearly sent an upseen comment on Tony P's blog telling him the things I was willing to do if I was given a chance to guest blog I mean really upseen thank God I stopped myself, that's what you get its 2am and I am sooo hungry maybe that's why people do strange things when they're hungry. I am going to get him out of my system soon.

I wonder if its just here in Trinidad but they seem to be playing a lot of Michael Jackson's music on the radio I guess the radio dj's feel its safe to play his music I don't know.

OK a little LL to get the juices flowing on this lonely night.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Better

So after spending most of the evening reading this guys blog I feel better somepeople just know how to tell a story and this guy is funny.

The thing is I have three sisters and only one of them is married the other two are still single they always think that I don't know what its like to be single because I got married so early and didn't really have to kiss that many frogs first but its just that I work with men and can usually spot the bullshit a mile off but I guess I am slipping I mean I asked this guy all the relevant questions like how come you are 42 and don't have a girlfriend? he said he always figure a guy should have his shit together before he should go looking for a potential wife isn't that a good answer? He just finished building his house and want a girlfriend to help decorate it wow I was truly impressed he looks good dresses really good maybe a little too good and is always so respectful and polite heck how was I to know that he is gay I don't hang out with him I just know him thru work how are you suppose to know when someone is gay? But I guess he must have thought that I knew and was just kidding too but I really was not I truly wish I could find some nice guys for my sisters they always seem to pick some jerks the last boyfriend that my youngest sister intrduced me too was at my father's new years party and I just met him and he kept trying to get me to drink and I was not in a drinking mood and he would not give it a rest I hated him one time and I knew it wasn't going to last one of the things I am looking forward to is meeting guys in UWI maybe I could find one of those young engineering guys suitable for my sisters you never know...

Sucky

I am in such a bad mood today on the way to work I got into an argument with the guy sitting next to me in the taxi he kept saying excuse me to get out but the car had not stopped the driver was just slowing down he said it about 3 times and I losed it and asked him why don't he just jump over me then because I was not opening the door until the car stopped and he started going on and I just wouldn't shut up it was really embarassing and usually I am not like that but I was mad before that because I found out a guy I have been trying to set up with my younger sister is gay everyone knows he's gay except me and he was going along with it kept telling me his schedule so that I could organize a day for them to meet and now I am so mad when I see him next I hope I could keep from hitting him I hate being the butt of people's jokes this is not funny and I know funny.

21 day challenge




OK in ordered that my girlfriend and I could look halfway decent in our costumes for carnival ck6 which is early, February 27th and 28th , we are starting our first 21 day challenge starting today 21 days of continuous exercise minimum 30 mins be it running, elliptical trainer or an exercise tape, so here goes. Inspired by Renee of course.

Its my first time playing mas in over 8 years, marriage, home buying and parenthood took precedence over carnival but not next year no way jose! Next year its time for fun so here we come.

I know a lot have changed since I played mas, in the old days.... Yes when I used to play mas very few if any women wore thong and now we have those that wear just body paint I for one will never judge someone for wearing whatever they want if I had a body that defied gravity who knows what in heaven I will be wearing and then in the olden days there was no such thing as all-inclusive bands where you get food and drinks catered there is even a potty truck now which sounds cool to me so you don't loose your band just by stopping to use the loo I remembered one year we got up early cooked some chicken pelau packed the cooler in the car and when our band stopped for lunch at Adam Smith's square our food was spoilt in the car from the heat we had to go begging for food it was not fun so its good that the bands are providing food now ah days.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Salt




I don't know about giving book reviews in my life if there is one thing that I know people don't always share your opinion on things I tend to get excited about something and sometimes when I don't get an excited response from someone else it sometimes make me question myself and my taste in things but anyway I am reading this book and have been annoying my husband by reading parts of it aloud it is so good to read a book written by one of my country men that is so good that I already have four copies yes I buy my Christmas gifts early so shoot me... I could not get it on hardcover though may have to order it but the story is so rich with my country's history and of course I feel guilty because this book has been around for ages and I am only now reading it how very unpatriotic of me to read thru Oprah's book list of books but not include West Indian authored books on my reading lists of course this is going to change but its so good to read a book with my own dialect and slang in it something to be proud of I mean I know the difference between snogging and shagging from all my readings so its good to see 'dotish' and 'lime' used in the trini sense in a book the author Mr.Earl Lovelace is no stranger to me his book The Dragon can't dance has been required reading in Secondary school and I have seen the play and its good that he is getting the recognition that he deserves.

Pictures



Tyson Beckford
OH GOD! This man just makes the juices flow!
Just checking out this new photo imaging thingy on blogger any excuse to post a picture of a great looking guy on here. Now if I could only find some naked pictures.......

Alcohol


So I went to my mother's house yesterday to hang out with my sisters it was great its only when we plan impromtu limes that we get together like this and of course my new sickness 'blogging' had me acting all antisocial I just had to use my sister's computer to lurk around abit, when she asked what I was doing I told her just checking my emails. I know that was really bad but what can I say I am an addict its really bad.

She brought this drink for me to try, I hate it when I don't seem to be with it these days I am so out of touch I only found out that Hypnotic was a drink the other day. I mean where have I been? Am I that old? So she gave me this drink Malibu rum mixed with pineapple juice it wasn't that bad and I swear I only took a sip and gave it back to her but lordy my eyes started to blur and the next thing you know I am waking up across my sister's bed and its 4 am and now I am the butt of their jokes I am so old one sip of some rum and I pass out so thats it no more alcohol for me we have to accept our limitations in life and alcohol is mine.

I got up and tried to go for a run I was able to get my husband and son to go with me I used the old we don't do anything as a family guilt trip on him works everytime but I could only go around the savannah three times still hung over I guess and I have been sipping coconut water for the whole day and I still feel like shit NO MORE ALCOHOL for me.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Welding

The newspaper headlines today about the men who died while welding had me thinking about my dad he wanted a son so badly he tried three times and ended up with four daughters and the only one who took any interest in anything that he had to teach was me.

I can weld because he taught me at an early age when I got to technical school I used to teach the guys he taught me to do an oil change, change spark plugs anything to do with a car I can do, that does not mean that I will do it though because in spite of my efforts to want to please him by learning all those things I still prefer to sew and do girlie things I was an aircraft mechanic for 5 years and was never any good at it I could't lift anything heavy I used to get down because my nails wouldn't stay clean I was terrified of engine runs always felt that I will be sucked into one someday the only thing that I was really useful for was because of my small size I could fit into tight spaces like a fuel tank or something I really hated it and was glad to do something else.

The thing is my mom had a son but he grew up with my grandmother I guess not all men can really take care of another man's child these things were never discussed or explained but I can't help thinking if my dad wanted a son so badly he had one because my brother is a part of my mother and he is such a great guy maybe he would have shared my dad's passion for Landrovers and Karate you never know.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Manna

My husband woke me up today with an envelope next to my pillow and it was my income tax returns from 2002 I have been waiting for this cheque for ages I always file on time I filed this in april 2003 and I thought that I would never see it and now I am totally confused as to what to do with it.

What to do? what to do? what to do?

I can go to NY and visit my girlfriend who has been feeling low, I could save it but I save so much already, I could pay down on a car with it maybe if I have a car in the garage I will be motivated to get my licence or I could go visit my in-laws in DC they haven't seen their grandson in a while.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.......

Encounters

So I went to the bank yesterday and I had a conversation with one of the tellers that I can't get out of my mind she asked me do you still work at so and so? she threw me off so I said yes well I need to find out about flying to NY so I gave her the number to call and the info and she tried to make some small talk about traveling but I just wanted to get out of there I try to do all my banking electronically but I was concerned about what other info she may have access to about me?
Trinidad is becoming the Kidnap capital I am sure we are going to surpass Columbia if we keep this up and the fact that a teller in the bank know my bank balance my address and where I work it shakes me to the core and I don't feel safe at all.

We bought a townhouse because of the sense of comunity and that you can travel without having to get a house sitter but a few weeks ago one of my neighbors was robbed of his car by two young guys with guns they took the remote control for the main gate and we feel like sitting ducks waiting for their next attack makes you feel like getting a gun but its illegal so we may have to hire a security guard who knows how much that is going to cost us and what garantees do we have.

I was thinking about selling my treadmill but I don't even feel like walking outside anymore this robbery took place @ 9pm I sometimes walk that late so now I get mad with my son and DH if they forget to lock the front door something we never used to do before I hate this feeling of helplessness.

I love this country so much no other place in the world will experience a coup like us in 1990 but will have coup parties where you get there before curfew and leave after the curfew but this is getting serious.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wendy



Yes! The first picture that I post is of this amazing intelligent and beautiful girl from my country Miss Universe 1998 Wendy Fitzwilliam. I broke my bed when she won I was jumping up and down on it, she left an impression on me because she is dark skinned like me and we live in a country where only fair skinned women are considered beautiful.

I travelled in a taxi before she won and the two men discussing her said she was the ugliest Miss Trinidad and Tobago ever so I was so glad when she won the world is changing slowly.

I am sensitive about this because I was called Tar baby in school growing up and my two younger sisters are fair and my dad used to tell my twin sister and I that we should focus on our studies because our looks won't get us husbands when I asked him about it as an adult he said he was preparing us for the real world yeah whatever....

When my son was borned one of my relatives who came to see him said he would not be too dark because look at his ears you can tell by his ears yeah whatever..... I thought his health was more important....

We all can't look the same and its good to see women like Alex Wex in Vogue maybe one day a black woman with an afro will win Miss Universe wouldn't that be great?

75 Things about me.

1. I am 32

2. I am 5'2"

3. I am a libra

4. I am a twin (she was 20 minutes ahead)

5. I am married (7 years)

6. I have a 5 year old boy

7. He was 9lb 8ounces at birth

8. I was in labour for 5 days

9. I wanted a natural delivery

10. Had to have c section anyway (he was too big)

11. I used to be an aircraft mechanic

12. I work for an airline

13. Was retrenched in 2003 because of 9/11

14. I met my husband at work

15. we got married in St. Lucia with just our two best friends

16. Seen almost all the caribbean islands except Jamaica

17. Loves St. Maarten the best

18. Been to Boston, NY, DC and Miami

19. want ot see Disney and LA next

20. Love to travel but hate airplanes

21. Best trip was to Cape Cod when my husband and I were dating

22. Would love to go back but our friend there died.

23. Our son was conceived on a trip to Tobago

24. we spent the day with a friend's 3 month old baby

25. Our son and that baby has the exact same birthdate.

26. My twin sister has a 2 yr old with the same birth month as my son

27. She had a c section too.

28. My brother , husband and first boyfriend have the same first name

29. We are home owners

30. Got accepted to study Industrial Engineering at UWI

31. Don't have my drivers licence too scared.

32. Tried 5 times since I was 18 always got sick the morning of the exam.

33. Trying one more time this year got 100% on the written test though

34. I have the same best friend since I was 13( she lives in NY now)

35. Grew up a Jehovah's Witness

36. Don't like religion it devides us too much

37. believe in God and the power of pray

38. Best birthday was 20 (went to a Boys II Men concert)

39. Worst was 30 (too depressed to celebrate)

40. My twin sister and I don't get along (it makes me sad)

41. Put on 40lbs in 3 months after getting retrenched

42. Slowly losing it by running in the savannah

43. I dream about my grandmother (father side) when I am stressed

44. She died when I was young

45. She is my protector I just know it.

46. I used to sew all my clothes before I gained weight

47. Have been a library member since I was 5

48. First book borrowed was The old lady who swallowed a fly.

49. I have been a diarist since I was 13

50. Deleted due TMI

51. I have two younger sisters

52. I always felt ugly because I am dark skinned (was called tar baby in school)

53. When Wendy Fitzwilliam won miss universe in 1998 I felt not so bad about it

54. I have an older half brother who I did not grow up with

55. Don't know why but he is so great I love him so

56. I still write letters I am old fashioned like that

57. First cd I bought was Blues Travellers in Boston

58. I work night shift for over 6 years and love it

59. I once slow danced with Ato Boldon in Club Coconuts in 1997 it was great (I have pictures)

60. Favorite author Anne Tyler (read Breathing Lessons about 10 times)

61. Favorite movie Bridget Jones' Diary and I am not embarrased about that

62. Favorite Singer is Prince ( can't get him out of my system)

63. Favorite thing to eat is Apple pie (this could change)

64. Favorite meal is my mom's curried crab and dumplings

65. She is from Tobago and we lived there until I was 7

66. Never did drugs (not even interested)

67. Collect Kitchen Gadgets (love my mini Cuisinart chopper)

68. Favourite color is green

69. My favorite teacher in Secondary school is now my surrogate aunt

70. She taught me to sew and that education can take you places in life

71. I wanted to name my son Ralphie from A Christmas Story

72. Everyone especially my husband was against it

73.I live on an island but can't swim

74. Took lessons 3 times with three different instructors

75. can do any thing at the shallow end of the pool

Happy

It doesn't take much to make me happy...

1. DH pinching me on my butt or hugging me from behind

2. Tony writing about chicks and life in LA

3. JaG putting up new pictures of JaB

4. My son being a smart alec and telling his dad that he prefers me to do his
homework with him because I don't yell haha (that happened yesterday)

5. Making a meal and there are no left overs

6. Talking on the phone or liming with my girlfriend

7. Going to the public library in Port of Spain

8. Warm apple pie with a scope of vanilla icecream on the side

9. Finding money in your bank account when you thought you spent it all (happened on saturday)

10.The new radio station 107.7fm

11. Going to the mailbox and not finding any bills

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Favorite quotes

These are some favourite quotes in movies that I love.


'I've been wanting to go to bed with you since I first saw you'
Stanley and Iris.


'If you don't stop crying I will have to make love to you and I have never cheated on my wife'
Under The Tuscan Son.

'His dick spoke to me.....damn....'
Love Jones

WOW talk about sex on the brain....

Internal dialogue

What was going thru my mind sometime today......

Oh gosh we waited too long its going to hurt... ok go slowly... its going to hurt ....just relax girl
its not so bad ...ok its almost in..... slowlyyyy.....ok wait please slow down ....right! oh my God its in
will you look at that .... how does it fit wow girl you are amazing this feels good....

Can anyone guess what I was doing? haha.

Selftest

So I decided starting from today not to send anymore emails or comments to a certain busblog person so that i can get him out of my system. Infatuation , this word has not applied to me since when I saw that purple album cover Prince and this has to stop I am a married woman! so starting today here goes.........

OK lets try for two weeks starting now........

Dilema

I just noticed someting that I did not think about before one of the tecki guys were passing by my computer and I wanted to ask him abou posting pictures on here then I realised that I may have to tell him what's it for and I did not bother not ready to let people know abot this just yet.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Rememberance

I have to remember today and what better way than to start a blog. I need to make some changes, seriously I am 32, I am an adult and I have no excuses for being so weak I need to learn to defend myself.

I spent the night at work since I am starting school in September, I wanted to get back into study mode, so I am leaving and I asked one of the guys if he was heading my way and he said sure and when I got into the car had to sit in the back because he had another guy with him and I noticed the baby seat and I just remarked that its been a while since I saw one of those..... downhill.

SiG how old is your son now? well he's five now and how old are you? I'm 32. well its time for the other kid! well not right now and my DH and I don't really want another kid we will prpbably adopt we live near an orphanage and would love to give one of those kids a good home. Well thats the problem with you women today too caught up in your careers! what? Why are you doing a degree its a waste of time! W,ell for the information and if it could get me a better job why not? and look at you you spent the night at work and your husband has to be the wife and you are not fullfilling your duties the bible said to go forth an multiply and if you think its up to you no matter what kind of birth control method you use the lord will make that call .... well its been working for the pass 5 years so what can I say and what about your poor family the man is the head of the house but you are the head of the home and now your husband has to be the wife and thats when I losed it.

I told him to stop the car right now I don't judge you I don't tell you how to live so what makes you think you can tell me ! so you're angry? just stop the car and I got out and had to walk about I don't know how far but it took me a while and of course I cried thank God it was early so no one was out but I am so pathetic why can't I defend myself why oh why am I so weak?

Thank God he was sleeping when I got home because if I had to explain this to him and he give the look where he agrees with someone else but doesn't want to hurt my feeling I would have losed it some more so I kept it inside and its been on my mind all day.