SmallIslandGirl

just a chick from Trinidad writing about her life on a small island but with big dreams all the same.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Pursuit of Happyness....................

Sometimes life hit you with stuff and it seems the more you get up and fight the harder the knocks keep coming.
I saw Will Smith's movie tonight and finally got the feeling to blog....
The movie just kinda reminded me that everyone has challenges that they have had to face in going after their goal and it always seem to get bad before it gets better...its just life....

Lets see so far for 2007........
No husband....check
No job......check
No plan....check

Trying to hold on to my sanity as best i can...
And like the guy in the movie i too have a six year old who's counting on me to hold it together so i can't fall apart even though i want to so bad..... i just want to curl up in a ball and well you know make this all go away.....

Anyway thats it in a nutshell i can't think too far in the future just one day at a time....

I have to believe that things WILL get better they just HAVE TO!

These words touched me...

Release the familiar
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
— Margaret Stortz


I am truly sorry that i haven't been able to blog these past few months but i just had to get my head straight..sometimes you think you are a strong person until you get tested then you really find out... ha!... you ain't as strong as you think young lady.....tonight i feel good better than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be better than today..and I truly appreciate all the nice comments and that you guys left on here i'll find my way back soon.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Me!



That's me in disguise (still don't want any fat pictures of me on the internet) sitting next to my rosemary bush and aloe plant been doing a lot of gardening lately we painted the outside of the property recently and the painters dripped their paint all over my herbs can't use any of them now had to replant all of them i got a lemon grass plant near my park recently been looking for one for ages we call it fevergrass here and brew it for fevers my parents were the type who would quicker go out into the back yard for bush medicine instead of running to the doctor or pharmacy when we got sick and you know what? When i got sick recently i was craving one of my dad's concoctions so i'm looking to create my own back yard medicine/herb garden right now i and am looking for some basil and thyme seeds.

I love gardening its really relaxing a good way to destress.

Friday, October 27, 2006

I am so sorry for not updating my blog it’s just that these last few weeks has been real busy.

First my son got sick spent a week taking care of him then when he got better I got sick and missed a lot of classes and now its midterms and I am so behind on everything I have three projects to hand up and haven’t started not one yet and my partner got into a car accident and may have to forget about this semester but in spite of all of this I am really really happy for the first time in a long time happy and at peace.

I finally feel like I am doing the right thing for me what I was meant to be doing I am getting stronger and stronger everyday and my life its not perfect and its not easy at all but somehow I am just taking things in stride the biggest thing is my relationship with my son. I went to see his teacher last week just to find out how he’s doing and I’m so proud of him… she used words like brilliant and smart and courteous to describe him and let me tell you as a parent all you want to know sometimes is that you are doing something right and you worry that the decisions that you’ve had to make would not ruin your child and I know one day in the future I will have to answer his questions and explain myself to him but I know in my heart that what I am doing is for the best... my life is great I have no reason whatsoever to complain and for that I am thankful.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Earthquake!!!!

The first one hit after 9am i just came back from my jog and was reading the newspapre on the steps the house started shaking i stood in the downstairs bathroom doorway then it stopped then it started again then i paniked and ran outside my other neighbours did the same thing.
Scary stuff i hate being home alone when these things happen.
Then the other one hit a few minutes ago and i was in the mall and that was even more scary people started screaming and running and ah can't lie i ran for the nearest exit too and took a taxi straight home and now i'm searching the net to see what is the right thing to do during a quake because i suspect that the way the weather has been these few days we would be having a lot more of these.
Now i have to go pick my son up from football this evening and i am scared to leave the house this is some scary stuff.

What to do during an earthquake.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Birthday

Blogging from my girlfriend's computer....singing in my head go Amelia it’s your birthday......

Yes today is my birthday and I’m so happy....I feel old but happy.
This trip was such a good idea last night my girlfriend and I put some Alize in the fridge and planned to stay up late to celebrate but the old girls conked out watching late night TV and talking over old times.
I finally got to see Prison Break though looove that show I don’t get fox at home.
I am having so much fun went to Old Navy three times already……..I know this is not a big deal to some people but you know what I love? I love when you shop and fill your cart and do a metal count and when you get to the register everything turn out to be much cheaper than you thought as much as 50% less looove that its like a good surprise at the register.
I made mas at Target bought so many dollar items I think the only thing you could get for a dollar in Trinidad is maybe about 4 sweets no lie.
My suitcase is packed to the brim may have to get a bigger one.
My son and I got to spend so much time together we have to go on more trips like this yesterday my girlfriend had to go to work so she dropped us off at a mall and we spent the day just walking around and shopping there was a duck pond behind the mall and we got to feed the ducks and fishes…… gosh we both need to detox when we get home all that fast food don’t come near us you might get hit with a stink bomb......heeheeheeee.
He wants a sister now he even picked out a name for her Tasha… my girlfriend’s babygirl fell in love with him she follows him all over he took such good care of her I love that ours kids are getting along so well.
I have nothing to complain about I feel blessed today to have a friend who gets me I don’t have to explain myself she just gets me and a son who I am very proud of and I feel lucky that I get to be a part of his life and get to see him grow up and I pray that I get to see many more birthdays.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

So I’ve decided to take a mini break to DC this coming weekend its my 34th birthday...... 3-4 can’t believe it…. next Tuesday and I need some retail therapy. I deserve it, can’t wait to hit Target and Old Navy and I promise this time to only buy stuff that can fit me no more buying clothes two sizes smaller with the intention to lose weight to fit them total waste of money learned that the hard way.
My only dilemma is my in laws.
I’m staying with a girlfriend and I would love to visit my in laws since I’m taking my son with me and I know he would love to see his grandfather. This is the first time that I am staying at my girlfriends place I just don’t feel like getting into it with them the first reaction people give is they try to see if they could fix things you know get the two parties together blah blah blah and I am just not up for that its too late for that….. the only thing is I don’t think it’s my place to tell them about the separation. I think its my ex’s job to do that its his family anyway.

I spoke to them on the phone this weekend they called to say hi and its obvious that he hasn’t told them about us breaking up and if I tell them about my trip they will obviously want to know why I’m not staying with them and I will have to get into it but if I go and not at least visit them or call and they find out eventually… I will feel so bad either way….
They will be coming to Trini for Christmas so my son could see them then and this trip could be just about my girlfriend and her kid and my kid just hanging out either way I have a few days to decide what to do.
I just don't want to be the one to tell them I told my family and most of my friends know and they all seem to have accepted things at least they are acting that way my mom has been very supportive she stays with my son when i have to work the night shift and my sisters have been there for me but my ex I don't know very few of his friends know one of them met me in the supermarket and made the comment about how great i look and whatever my husband was doing he needs to keep it up blah blah blah and i have to keep a straight face because as i said i don't think its my place to tell people especially if its his friend or family its just not my place.

Anyway no time to dwell on these things i have a trip that i have to get cracking on..... lots of last minute stuff to get you know how we West Indians love to take the whole parlour with us when we travel .

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Tabanca part II

You know how there are some things that happen in your life that you just can’t tell the people around because its sooooo embarassing well this is one of those things at least i can put it on my blog anyway.

I think I got hit with tabanca…..trini term for a broken heart.......and it is punishment for making fun of my friend last year. I loosed a lot of weight in a very short time I think its like when you go to the gym and you feel fantastic right after but then a few days pass and you wake up in pain all over well that’s what happened to me I thought I was doing so great I was flying high then my son goes to spend a couple weeks with his dad and the house felt so empty I mean empty empty and instead of using the free time to walk around naked and watch dirty movies on cable and just make mischief ….. all I know is one day I wake up feeling low low low....down to the ground low........can’t eat or sleep I mean everything tasted like cardboard.

My twin sister thinks I am on some secret diet and wants me to tell her what is it I’m doing she promised me that she’ll find out ha! Its so obvious everyone is complimenting me on my weight loss and I have to just keep a straight face no one has figured out what is going on so its not so bad…. My son noticed the first time he hugged me on his return he tells me mommy you feeling smaller.

Most people assume its some new diet I am on because I am always trying something even in school all my mates keep going on about how small I am now….when ah tell yuh this tabanca thing is real there is this commercial on the radio where the guy says ......it hit meh like a ton ah bricks …..well that’s how it is ah get hit hard….ah promise never to make fun of anybody again in the future getting your heart broken eh easy…. I think its funny well I can laugh now because life is so funny when you think about it you never know when its your turn so be kind to people and don’t laugh at them remember the saying those who laugh last.....blah blah blah........ yes ah look for it as we trinis like to say…..never me again ah staying away from love it dangerous yes.

One week I’m declaring how strong I am and th next I go days without bathing I could write a book yes.

Anyway I am seeing a therapist I love her she’s like an aunt I don’t know why I was so against therapy I could never understand what is the point of talking to some stranger about your problems....all I can say is it works examining yourself figuring out what happened to you along the way and fixing what is broken going to my sessions has become the highlight of my week.

I am slowly getting my apetite back these days right now I am craving some double stuff oreos.